Roll of the Dice
by OnyxIvyStone
Summary: It's only a game...
1. Chapter 1

Part one;

"Yash, damnit, get down here! He's killing me and Maru's still back at the entrance checking for traps and you're the only one close enough!"

"You still have three rounds before you get to him, Yash."

"Oni, you never enforce that rule and now you decide to. Just confess you want to kill Roku and stop being an ass."

"Fuck you, Maru," he rolled the dice. "Take four more damage."

"Damnit, I'm at negative one."

"Two rounds, Yash."

"You really are an ass, Oni," he moved his figure on the diagram one hex closer.

"Roll for consciousness, Roku."

"Why the hell for?"

"To see if you're still awake. If you're still awake, it'll just attack you again."

"Fine," he rolled again and growled. "I'm still conscious."

The dice clattered. "Six more damage."

"Negative seven... Can I at least attack?"

"The last three blows damaged your arms. You can roll to strength to see if you can raise your sword."

"This is about San, isn't it?" He raised a dark brow, studying the man across the table from him. "She isn't interested in you. I can't help it if she likes me."

"Roll strength."

"Oni, stop being an asshole!" Yash growled, itching to move his figure one more hex.

"I'm not. Someone said last session that I wasn't playing by the rules enough and so now we have a hex diagram and figures and the whole damned dungeon laid out so Mr. I'm-so-fucking-good-I-ran-a-session-at-con-this-year will stop bitching," he growled, looking up at the bemused golden brown gaze of the older man sitting next to him.

"Just roll, Roku, and get it over with," Maru said in a cool voice. He was amused by Oni's antics, but he didn't like the game being used as the man's own personal ass kicking session because he couldn't win the girl, this San, from his friend.

Roku growled and rolled. "Failed by three."

"You can't raise your sword."

"No shit."

"Yash, one round."

"Finally," he moved his piece one more hex.

He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose then pushed his long black hair behind his ears. Oni was really overdoing it to make his point. The guy just didn't know when to stop and he had somewhere to be and someone to be meeting up with in two hours. "Can we speed this up?"

"Where you gotta be, Maru?"

"Kagome's coming in tonight and I have to pick her up at the airport," he looked to his brother and smiled crookedly. "Maybe this time I can convince her to stay."

"Fat chance. You know she loves what she's doing down there," Yash replied, smirking at the lopsided grin he was sporting. "You're hoping she loves you more, right?"

"Hn," he replied and then scowled as Roku picked up his figure and threw it across the room. He stood and went nose to nose with Oni. "Oh for fuck's sake. It's only a game!"

"It isn't only a game and this bastard knows it! He sticks his prick into a girl once and he thinks he fucking owns her and I've had it! San isn't a piece of meat and she deserves better and I plan to show her that."

"Oh, here we go! What did she tell you? I bet she didn't say that she came back for more the next night, did she?"

Yash and Maru were up and pulling the two apart before things got bloody. It was unbelievable that the two had once been best friends. It was even more unbelievable that the voices of sense and calm were the two half brothers who barely gave each other the time of day unless it was over a gaming table on Thursday night or to pay rent on the house they shared while attending the same university.

"Maru, let me go!"

"Not a chance, Oni. You're too pissed right now and you're going to do something you'll regret so cool down."

"You fucker!"

Maru snarled and let him go. "Fine. The last two weeks you've done nothing but make this game a pain in the ass to play. We all need a clean slate and you two need some sort of venue where you can kill each other without having the power of being game master over each other."

Roku calmed slowly and Yash let him go. "What do you suggest, Maru?"

"A way to save the friendship or at least salvage what's left of it. Kagome's coming into town tonight and will be here a month. I'll think up a game for GURPS for all of us to play Mondays and Thursdays for the duration of that month. Roku, invite San and Yash, invite Shippo. I'll see if Kagome could stand having Kikyo playing too. Hell, maybe even Kouga, Kanna and Kagura would like to play. You all need a buffer and I need a little peace when I game." Maru looked at his watch and growled. "Now..." He grabbed his leather jacket and combat boots. "I have to get going or my girl's going to be waiting out in that wind and might catch cold and I fucking refuse to miss getting laid on account of my friends not being able to keep from decking each other over some woman neither of you really has any claim over." He finished lacing and tying his boots, then put on his leather jacket and grabbed his black helmet. He nodded to his brother. "I'll take care of my gaming stuff when I get back with Kagome. I have to leave now so please don't go tearing the place apart, ok?"

"Uhu," was Yash's noncommittal response.

It took him two full hours to traverse the trek to the airport. Traffic and a long drive weren't helpful. He missed her like crazy, ached for her every day, and tonight she'd be in his bed again and he knew some of the pang would go away.

The plane was landing. She was both elated and unsure. Elated because she'd have a full month with him where she wouldn't be responsible to her professors or her work but unsure because, as with every visit, the clouds of the past would gather when she looked into his eyes. She sighed and shook her head as she felt tears welling in her eyes. "Maru... Just think about being with Maru."

She filed out of the plane, carrying her two small bags. She knew how to pack light even for an extended visit. It came with the territory in her chosen profession. She was working on her doctorate in ancient studies. For the last few years she had been working at an archeological dig in South America to gather data for her doctoral thesis. If all went well, she would complete it in the next year and she could begin sorting out all of the offers for professorships around the country that had begun pouring in within the last few months.

One was at the university where Maru and Yash were attending. Maru was working on his doctorate in history with an emphasis in the military. He was still a few years off completing his thesis, however, as she loved to remind him, that was because he procrastinated and paid more attention to his gaming than to school. She smiled sadly as she recalled his response to her observations of his lackadaisical attitude. _I have to focus on something that makes it easier to live in a world without you, and gaming works better than drinking._ Just how in the hell was she supposed to argue with that?

Simple. She wasn't. She stepped onto the downward escalator with her eyes darting around, already searching for his face. He was easy to find. He stood at least a head taller than most people. However, when he was standing only about six feet from the bottom of the escalator, her search became less of a search and more of an impatient span of waiting until she reached the bottom of the escalator and the line of people moved away.

There he was. Torn up blue jeans, black knee high combat boots, that damned leather jacket he'd owned since high school with a grey hooded jersey underneath, his black hair pulled back into a braid with a few elflocks around his temples and those eyes... Those beautiful honey-brown eyes that were flecked with gold full of light and mischief focused entirely on her. He was eight years older than her and so there was more age and wisdom behind his eyes than behind his brother's. There always had been since she had known him and it was that, in part, which had drawn her to him.

She walked to him slowly with a crooked smile adorning her sweet, youthful face, and her almost cobalt blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears. "Maru." She whispered his name reverently, like a prayer. She dropped her bags and jumped up into his arms.

He was ready for her to jump. She always jumped into his arms, and so he caught her easily and guided her legs around his hips, crashing his lips onto hers for a deep, passionate kiss. Her arms slipped around his neck and he cradled her, supporting her rear and back with both arms. Slowly they pulled apart and he sported one of his most roguish smiles. "I think you missed me."

She laughed softly and nipped his lips, kissing him again. "I think you missed me too."

He chuckled and pressed his brow to hers, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm going to have to put you down, Baby."

"That would be the thing to do, wouldn't it?"

"Hai."

She smiled and kissed his nose gently. Slowly he helped her settle her feet on the ground again. He looked down and smiled at her, pushing her hair from her face. She kissed his hands. "Where's your bike?"

"She's parked across the street. It's pretty windy out, so I brought an extra jacket in case you forgot yours." He bent and picked up her bags and turned to walk to the parking structure once she had his arm in hers.

"You know me too well," she laughed and kissed his bicep over the leather of his jacket. "It's Thursday... Do you think the game will still be going?"

"Probably... Or they're all hanging out... Or Roku is strangling Oni." He said with a rueful smile. "You remember a girl named San, right?"

"Yeah... She was on the female lacrosse team in high school. What? Oni and Roku are fighting over her?"

"Yes. Like they fight over everything, only I don't like the fact that they're fighting over a woman this time like she were an object."

"Didn't she go to another university?"

"Apparently she came here for her master's degree. She had a fling with Oni, but dumped him and now she and Roku are starting something... I really don't like the fact that I know this much about it. Sounds like mindless bullshit to me."

"Roku's a good guy and San is a nice girl... And you know Oni's an asshole. He probably doesn't even care about San, he's just using what happened between them to get on Roku's nerves." She said, feeling bile rise in her throat.

He sighed and shook his head, leading her to his bike. It was his baby, his pride and joy. He'd fabricated every part of it and built it from wheel to chasse to the handlebars over the course of three years while he was getting his master's degree. The three years that he'd been secretly seeing Kagome. She was a genius in every sense of the world. At fourteen, she'd made the decision to attend regular high school with her twin sister, Kikyo, even after she'd already obtained her undergraduate degrees in history and music theory. He'd met her while she'd begun her master's degree in archeology and his half brother, Yash, had met her on his first day of high school. Her parents didn't mind his unconventional friendship with their daughter, but Kikyo... Kikyo had been jealous of her sister. "Don't read into it too much, Kagome," he said and kissed her cheek as he began packing her bags into the saddlebags of his bike while she put on the brown leather flight jacket he'd brought for her to wear.

She smiled faintly and took a deep breath as she put on his extra helmet and slipped onto his bike behind him. She wrapped her arms around his chest and rested her head on his shoulder once he began to rev the engine. "Forgive me for being a little worried and cautious."

He smirked and reached down to caress her thigh gently. "Let's not worry too much about it. I just want to get you home and into bed where you belong. With me."

She smiled faintly and sighed as her best friend and love began to drive them back. Is it really? Is that really where I belong anymore?


	2. Chapter 2

Part two;

She woke slowly to the heavenly smell of espresso, freshly made toast and the sweet undertone of marmalade. She allowed her eyes to open slowly and looked over to the tray that had been placed on the finely carved table across the room. A sigh escaped through her lips and she sat up, proceeding to rub the bits of sleep that still held to the corners of her eyes. She slipped into the fuzzy monster-bunny slippers that she'd had since she was in high school and her equally fuzzy and worn yellow ducky robe, wrapping it securely around her expensive emerald green silk pajamas. Outside the opened window of her balcony she could hear the murmuring symphony of compact Italian cars and mopeds as they swarmed through the streets of Florence down toward the piazza and into the city proper. She smiled faintly and walked toward her breakfast as she unbraided her long, unruly ebony hair so that it cascaded down her back, cresting over her hips and pelvis in a curtain of night.

The breakfast had been brought by the room service on fine bone china hand painted with blue orchids, the ridges of each plate, saucer and cup rimmed with pale, liquid gold. She brought the small cup of fragrant espresso to her lips after stirring the rich, dark liquid and then picked up a sliced piece of toasted baguette that had been thoughtfully smeared with creamed butter and a sweet, spiced jelly that had been imported from England especially for her. She was the resident diva, after all. She could ask for anything and, so long as her voice held out, her wishes would be the opera house's command.

She was tired, though. Tired and horribly lonely. At twenty-five, she lived like a sixty year old, never venturing out and never caring to. Another sigh escaped her as she chewed her bite of toast in almost a meditative manner. She sat and looked across the room at her visage in the mirror. Aside from the deep sea green eyes, she was almost identical to her cousin. Under her bed in a large shoebox that had once held the slippers she wore rested every scrap of mail that she had received from Kagome in the last seven years. Seven years since she had walked away from her home. Seven years since Yash had broken her heart. Seven years since... Since Kikyo had hurt them all so deeply. Seven years since... But she couldn't think about that last since. That one hurt too much. It had been the reason she had run, in the final analysis. She could have endured anything but that. And then, seeing Kagome in so much pain... Her cousin had understood why she had to leave, but she couldn't forgive herself for running when Kagome needed her most. Too much had happened. Too much to go back. The only person she regretted leaving was Kagome... No, that was a lie. She missed Yash too, even after what he had done. Even after what had happened after... After everything. Everything was horribly twisted and wrong. It wasn't at all how she thought it would have been. She was rich, yes. She was singing, yes, and published in several countries under a pseudonym for her works of fiction loosely based on so many nights of watching the role-playing sessions at Maru and Yash's parent's home. They had given their permission for her to use their characters and she had promised them a portion of her earnings. They had said no, but she always had a way of getting around their protests. Without their knowledge, until it was too late, she had paid off their school loans and was too far away to argue with. She was too far away for them to put up much of a fight, in any case.

She sipped more of her espresso and stood. She settled her breakfast back on the tray and went to her bed. She pulled the shoebox out and poured out the pile of thick envelopes sent from almost half way around the world. She searched through them and found the one she was looking for, stamped with a date almost two months before. She opened it and leafed through to the final two pages.

 _I've missed you so much, Mei Mei. I am still having the same dreams where I'm falling. Every time I wake up screaming. They only get worse around this time of year. I can't believe it's been nearly seven years since it all happened. I can't believe it's been as long since I last spoke to you face to face. I know that you want to stay away, but I need to see you again. I can't talk to anyone else about what's going on with me. Not Maru or Yash or Mom or Dad. There isn't anyone who would understand except you. You were there when it happened. You were the only one who I could talk to about it... Kaia, if you can, I'm going to be visiting Maru and Yash for a month and I'd love to see you. I need to make a decision and I can't unless I've really talked it through and you're the only one I trust... And over the phone just isn't the same. I love you forever and ever._

 _Always,_

 _Kagome_

Kaia stared at the liquid cursive letters for several moments after reading them. She hadn't responded to her. It had been the longest duration between letters that they'd ever had. She felt warmth on her cheeks and shook her head to bring her room back into focus. Quickly, she folded the letter again and replaced it in the envelope and the shoebox with the rest of the letters haphazard. She stood and walked to her desk, fumbling for her phone, and then she stopped and took a breath.

"What are you doing?" She whispered and looked at the device in her hands. "You're happy here. You have everything you ever said you wanted, to hell with being by yourself..." She sat heavily on the chair at her desk and laid down her phone. "But that's just it, isn't it? You have everything and no one to share it with. No ties. Not even a cat. And now you're just sitting here talking to yourself because there isn't anyone to talk this out with..." She brushed at her eyes absently. "No one with you so your heart never gets broken... But I'd rather be broken right about now than still living this way."

She picked up her cellular phone again and dialed in the number of her manager and maestro. "Ciao, it's Kaia... I'm fine, Gianni, it's just... You remember saying about a year ago that it wasn't good for me to not take a rest every now and then before runs..." She smiled faintly as she listened to the almost lyrical voice on the other line. "Thank you, I knew you'd understand. I'd like to leave for about a month... Tomorrow, if possible. Could Ella be ready?" Her smile warmed. The tension in her shoulders began to fade away. "Perfecto. Mille grazzi, ciao."

As she hung up the phone, her gaze drifted upward to the framed photograph that rested on her desk. She saw herself leaning into the arms of a slightly taller young man her age with strange golden-brown eyes and long black hair pulled back loosely. His form was hidden by hers and his strong arms were wrapped around her in a protective embrace. Sitting nearby was an older man with similar features and the same strange golden-brown eyes embracing a girl, very similar to herself, except with azure eyes that sparkled with a knowing kind of mischief. Their hands were placed protectively over the girl's abdomen that had the slightest swell to it. Had she not known what to look for, it would have gone past her notice. Perhaps it was because Kaia knew exactly what the two beloveds were protecting that made her notice what others might have dismissed. She reached out her slender fingers and caressed the picture reverently. "It's time to come home, isn't it? Where I belong."

The house was quiet as they drove up the driveway and most of the lights had been turned out with the exception of the kitchen and living room. Kagome smiled faintly as she slipped from behind her lover and focused on the music that was cranked up loud enough that she could recognize the voice that was singing. Female, beautiful and filled with glorious passions that came entirely from her heart. None of it was an act. At least not on that CD.

"I wonder if he knew we'd be coming strait home." She murmured and noticed Maru's faint frown at her words.

"Probably not. Or he just doesn't care." He looked to her fondly and smiled, his frown melting away like frost being warmed by the sunshine of her presence. "With you visiting, it isn't surprising."

"Yeah?" She chuckled and began to walk to the door. She slipped a hand into his free one.

"Yeah. He's an asshole, but it isn't like he doesn't have a heart, Kagome."

"He's one of my best friends, Maru. I know he has a heart, I just wonder about his brain half of the time."

He paused at the door and listened through the thick, carved wood to the soft voice from within. She was singing the songs that she'd written, but the lyrics were Yash's. "No one ever claimed to be imbued with massive amounts of intelligence where love is concerned, Baby."

She smirked as he slipped his key into the lock and turned. Her heart ached a little for the space that was vacant within her. "No. No, not if they were telling the truth."

He jumped up and turned off the stereo when he heard the door open. His eyes flashed with panic. Usually he could hear the bike coming, but he'd been in his own world of memories all tied up in her voice. It had been years since he'd heard the real thing. At least once a month he toyed with the idea of flying to Italy to hear her on the stage and every time he convinced himself that it was a mistake. She'd left to find her dream and he'd just muck it up for her. That was why he'd let her go. That was why he couldn't ever take her back, no matter how badly he wanted to. He held his chest, feeling his heart beat hard, deep within him and tried to gulp down air as Kagome and Maru walked into the living room with bemused looks on their faces.

"Shit! You fucking scared me to death!" He said, running his fingers through his hair.

"Caught with your pants down, little brother?" Maru asked snidely and almost laughed at the coy look on Kagome's innocent face. He knew better, but it always made him laugh that she could maintain such a facade.

"Oh, no, Lover. He'd never jack off to that CD in the living room where just anyone could walk in on him."

He snarled faintly and then sighed, deciding to let it go. "Fuck if I ever listen to it again, though. Not after that comment." He walked over and embraced his old friend and was greeted with a tight hug. He closed his eyes and smiled. "You been taking care of yourself?"

She pulled back and smiled almost as brilliantly as she had when they had been growing up together. Almost. "I always do, Yash. What about you?"

He shrugged. "As well as always."

"Which means you've been going to school, writing, and playing games, am I correct?"

"Nail and head." Maru chuckled and shook his head at the murderous look he was receiving from Yash. "Hey, it isn't like I do much else."

Kagome only chuckled and sighed. She looked at her watch and then met Maru's gaze. "Babe, it's a god awful hour my time and I think I want to try and sleep off the jet lag. Would you mind me heading to bed early?"

He leaned and kissed her gently. "Not at all. Just know how I'll be waking you up is all."

She laughed and shook her head. "Alright. To bed I go. Play nice, you two."

She was almost to the stairs, carrying her bags when Yash called out to her and she turned. "We're planning on playing a game with the old group... Something Maru's doing. We're gonna invite San and a few newbies too, but... I told Oni not to ask her until we got your permission, but would you be able to stand Kikyo?"

She blinked and met Yash's gaze, then Maru's. A faint, sad smile touched her lips. "I think I can be a grown up for one night a week. I don't have a problem with her playing."

Maru walked toward her and reached up to take her hand. He turned the slender wrist and kissed her palm. "I'll be up in a while, Love."

"Ok." She murmured and smiled before turning to ascend the stairs.

Once she was out of hearing range he turned a raised brow to Yash. "Listening to Kaia..."

He scowled and walked through the den into the kitchen. At the far end of the room the outline of a grand piano was embraced by darkness. He pulled down a mug from the cupboard and poured himself some strong coffee and took a drink. Maru had followed him. He realized rather suddenly that avoiding the conversation was out of the question. He turned and met his brother's eyes. "What? You thought just because I let her go to do her own thing that I was over her?"

"You've said as much over the years since she left. Come on, Yash. I never bother with your shit."

"Except with Raine." He said, scowling at the escape of diminutive of her middle name, Lorraine, he'd always called her by until he'd broken it off with her. "Except with Kaia."

Maru smirked and shook his head as he leaned against the island in the kitchen. "It's been years. Over half a decade. You've had your flings, but you haven't ever gotten serious and every time Kagome comes home for a visit, you pull out that CD she made for you of all the music you wrote together and play it over and over again. For a month, Yash. The disc goes missing from the library for a fucking month. You think I didn't already know you weren't over her? That isn't what I was going to ask."

He took another drink of his coffee. "Then what the fuck was the question?"

He waited until Yash swallowed his next sip of the dark, overpoweringly strong liquid that not even he could touch. Only Kaia and Yash drank their coffee that dark. "When are you planning on admitting to yourself that you need to see her again if you're ever going to move on?"

Yash felt his lips quirk, but fought the smile. "Things got fucked up for the four of us around then. You remember, right? How the hell could you or Kagome ever forget after what happened?" He noticed his brother's gaze gradually darkening with pain as well as anger. He took another sip of coffee before pouring the rest out into the sink and then looked back to meet Maru's gaze.

"Shut the fuck up." He snarled and looked to the now empty coffee cup.

Yash shook his head and laughed cruelly. "She left to make a place for herself that she felt safe in and after losing her parents and then after what I did to her, I doubt there's anything I could ever say to her that would get her to forgive me. I didn't stand beside her, Maru. I let her go because I thought it was best, then I betrayed even her friendship by dating Kikyo when both Kagome and Kaia hated her for the shit she's always pulled on them. Kagome had her reasons to run and so did Kaia and maybe I don't deserve her forgiveness or to move on."

"You think I don't deserve to have Kagome, then?" He asked through gritted teeth.

He shook his head, letting any cruelty or malice fade from his expression before he spoke. "I think what happened to the two of you wasn't your fault. Either of your faults. Some things just happen and the fact that she always comes back to you tells you something, or at least it should. But you both do need to really figure out what it is you want."

He felt some of the tension leaving his body and studied his younger sibling. They shared a father, but not a mother. He had been seven when Yash had been born. Only two years before, his mother had died in a freak car accident. The divide in their age coupled with his grief over losing his mother and anger that his father could replace her so easily had caused a rift between the brothers. But they were still blood and, for once, Yash was making sense. He crossed his arms and shook his head. "You know, we don't get to decide what we deserve, little brother. It's been seven years. Maybe Kagome and I have things that need to be sorted out, but you and Kaia... Nothing was ever sorted or dealt with. I know Kagome keeps in contact with her and I know, from what she's told me, that Kaia hasn't moved on either. Maybe it's about time that you stop thinking about what you deserve and you start worrying about what she should have, even if that is freedom from the past."

He sighed and shook his head, then waved his hand at Maru in dismissal. "Go and get your ass upstairs. I'll think about what you said, just leave me for a while."

"Alright." He replied begrudgingly before turning and walking to the stairs. He slipped into his room stealthily and undressed quickly before joining Kagome in bed. He slipped behind her, noticing her full nakedness with a smile. He kissed the nape of her neck reverently. "Are you awake?"

She smiled wickedly and pressed herself back against him, willing his arousal through his silken boxers before speaking. "What do you think?" She purred and chuckled when he trembled. She turned and captured his lips once she felt his hardening erection and guided him onto her gently. "I missed you." She whispered and kissed him again, smiling again as he shuddered.

He pressed her into the bed and wrapped his arms around her tightly. "I missed you too." He whispered huskily against her lips before trailing kisses along her jaw and throat reverently. He began to pull back and frowned down at her, finding her legs locked around him. "Kagome... I need to go and get..."

She gave him a meaningful look that, even while shadowed in the darkness of his room, he understood, but he feared. Her nails cut into his shoulders as she pulled him back down so that she was speaking against his lips. "I don't want to think right now or stop right now. Let's just pretend this once that we're back at the beginning... With everything to lose and nothing lost."

It was suddenly very hard for him to think or breathe. He pressed his brow to hers as he reached down and pushed away his boxers, coming back to rest against her supple, heated form. "Just once..." He murmured softly as he nipped her lips, crashing together in a scalding, deep kiss. She shuddered and arched, clutching around him as he slipped into her, hilting himself with a guttural moan that resonated into her mouth.

He stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the den with his eyes focused on the grand piano curtained in darkness at the far corner of the room. Slowly he crossed the distance and reached out his hand to caress the mahogany grain along the curve of the instrument. The deep, beautiful curve that seemed to be mimicked in the form of the girl who had once sat every day caressing the keys as he remembered she often caressed him, creating as much music between them as had ever slipped from her in song or from the keys.

Years before, only a few weeks after graduation, she had moved in with him and had brought the piano Kagome and she shared. It was a beautiful instrument with carved mahogany frame and legs detailed with ivy and latticework that was cut into the wood. It had been their grandmother's piano and the cousins, the only cousins who played, had inherited it and shared it as if they were sisters.

There was a day that he had been alone with her, his Raine, in the house. She'd been playing Chopin all day, perfecting his preludes with virtuosic grace. It was her gift. She was brilliant, though not as intelligent as Kagome; however, Kaia surpassed her cousin artistically and creatively. All three girls were gifted in their own ways. Kagome was a genius intellectually and Kaia was a virtuoso born with the voice of an angel and for Kikyo, everything athletic was as easily as breathing, but for the third girl, that was never enough. She was always jealous of her younger twin and her cousin. It had been the reason Kaia and Kagome had moved the day of graduation from their home to go and live with the Taisho brothers.

He was sitting across the room from her, writing on his computer and listening to her play for the better part of the afternoon when he paused and turned to look at her. She had shifted music. She was now playing something they'd written together. She was a natural poet, gifted with command over words that he often felt he could only ever hope to achieve half such mastery, however, she had asked to use his poetry for lyrics and he had agreed. She began to sing the words and he felt his chest tighten. Her voice was so beautiful. She was so beautiful, he barely felt adequate to deserve her.

He stood as she made her way to the chorus and took a place behind her. He could not see her smile, but he could hear the sound of it in her voice as he reached down and brushed the long tendrils of hair away from her left shoulder and leaned to place kisses against her pale skin. "How long you planning to play today?" He murmured heatedly against her cool skin, noting the blush that was rising on her.

Her fingers stilled and trembled against the keys as she leaned into his lips. "Don't you like to hear me sing?"

He smiled and pulled her up so she was standing. He pushed the piano stool out of the way and turned her, pressing her against the keys so that a discordant mesh of notes poured from the instrument, as his hands reached down to pull up her skirt. "I'd rather make you sing."

"Yash..." She gasped into his ear as she slipped one long leg up around his hip, her hands tangling in his hair as he pressed even harder into her.

He looked down into her perfect, beautiful features already deeply hued with anticipation. He needed no further invitation. He reached down and unzipped his pants hastily before quickly thrusting into her heated embrace. She cried out sharply as her eyes closed half way in pleasure. He kissed her throat as he took up a deep, heated rhythm, reveling not only in the pulsating rhythm around him, but the soft, musical cries she sang into his ear with his every thrust.

He groaned with his release, hearing the breathless sound of her coming harmonizing with his. He captured her lips as he came entirely within her. She clung to him, shaking so fiercely he was afraid she'd break apart in his arms. He pulled back just enough to meet her gaze and kiss the tip of her nose. She was so relaxed he knew she'd fall to the floor if he let her go, so he swept her up into his embrace after he pulled from her and slowly made his way up the stairs to their bedroom, leaving the sheets of music in a disarray on the floor to be dealt with later in the day.

His mind returned to the present and he focused on the piano in the dark. His hand slipped upward to the space where his breastbone lay in his chest. Just above it, hidden by his shirt was the poesy ring she'd given him so many years before. Before he'd pushed her away and then betrayed her. He walked away from the piano and returned to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. No. He hadn't moved on. He'd had the love of his life, the other half of his soul, and he'd pushed her away and then broken her heart until it barely resembled a heart at all. He couldn't move on after that and, by all rights, he shouldn't. He looked down into the almost black liquid as it stilled in the mug and set the pot back. He watched how the light shimmered across the surface. She was his light. He wondered if he'd ever get used to the shadows and lose his fear of the dark.


	3. Chapter 3

Part three;

He rubbed his temples in a circular motion and pressed his eyes closed. He'd thought it was a good idea. Kagome was even happy about the idea. Honestly happy. She wasn't pretending for his sake, either. He could tell because she'd looked at him when she smiled. And so he'd called them all over for a character creation session that Sunday afternoon where they'd decide who they'd be playing and he could speak to each of them individually to figure out their histories separately from the group. It had seemed like such a simple, fun thing. But no. Oni wouldn't let it be that way. He was trying to cheese the system. Again.

"You're shitting me, Maru! You're fucking shitting me!" He said, actually trying to peg the taller man with one of his dice.

Maru put out his hand and caught the die with a faint snarl. "No, Oni. That would be painful."

"Well, why can't I? It fits in the rules and the point base you gave us to start with."

"Oni, you don't get it! You can't be a half human, half demon with that many powers. I'd have to write an entirely different set of rules for you! You don't even have any skills! You have at least one ability from eight different demons I've made stats for and I don't care if it does fit in the system rules, it doesn't fit in the world!"

"Well, make it fit or else I'm not going to play." He said, crossing his arms as if he were a five year old. Maru swore silently that Oni might even lose control of his lower lip in a moment if he wasn't careful.

"God, you are such an asshole sometimes," he muttered. He sat and ran his fingers through his hair absently as he thought a moment, willing the pulsating pain in his head away. If he hadn't devised the game to stop the bickering between Oni and Roku, he would have told Oni to go to hell and have been done with it. A dark smile touched his lips and he met his old friend's gaze. "Sure, you can play this Naraku character, but on one condition."

"Name it. I'll do whatever you want me to do."

"I get to write your history. And you're the villain."

His jaw dropped. "I made the character with Kikyo, Maru! We already had a history and everything written up."

"So I'll alter it. This isn't up for debate, Oni. Either you let me alter the history to my own ends or I won't let you play the character. My game. My house. My rules." He said and closed his eyes, fighting the smirk that was threatening to turn up his lips.

"Fine. What ever." He snarled and turned on his heel, leaving his character and history with Maru.

He sighed and looked down at the papers he'd been left with. He heard Oni griping in the living room to Kikyo and Kouga over the persistent din of his brother's PS3. Yash was getting his ass handed to him again by either Roku or Kagome, he wasn't sure. From the laughter of the other two, he could guess that they had probably ganged up on him or some such nonsense. He smiled faintly as the pain in his head died down and began sorting through his notes and Oni and Kikyo's pristine, typed histories that he'd happily scribble all over that evening in the most annoying way he could. There might even be stick figures.

It wasn't surprising, then, when no one answered the doorbell the first or the second time. He shook his head and stood, abandoning his requested task that would no doubt take him until Thursday to sort out.

"Thanks for getting the door!" He called out, smiling as Kagome and Yash replied in an insincere apology together. The smile faded and his eyes widened once the door was open. He blinked once. Twice. Then he focused on the slender, beautiful girl who stood before him. She was almost the mirror of his Kagome. Except for her eyes. Those haunting, haunted emerald green eyes. "Kaia?" The name came with an almost whispered reverence.

A faint but eternally warm smile graced her lips and she tilted her head. She was dressed in a pair of elaborately embroidered bellbottom jeans and a flowing white shirt that was overlain with a deep green silk corset. "Really, Maru, you know my face well enough not to need to ask." She replied with amusement, but barely above a whisper as well.

"I..." He looked back into the house with a scowl and stepped outside, closing the door behind him. "When did you get back? Kagome didn't say anything..."

"Kagome didn't know anything." She replied shortly.

"Oh... Why not?"

"The only person I told was my maestro. I knew if I went and told everyone that I'd lose my nerve. It would have taken time and the more time I took to think, the less likely it would be that I'd be able to follow through." She smiled crookedly, hearing a rather loud argument beginning inside even through the door. "Sounds like we should go inside before there's any bloodshed, Maru."

He scowled and shook his head. "Kaia... Everyone's in there."

"Maru, I'm not the frightened kid you remember. It's been seven years. For seven years I've been on my own, fighting my own battles. I came back because I'm tired of living without resolution." Her eyes softened as she watched some of the tension leave her old friend. She reached out and squeezed his arm with one hand. "Come on. I can promise my entrance will save the furniture from needless bloodstains."

He nodded and opened the door. "That's a gentle way to put it... Oh, where are you staying?"

She smirked as he opened the door and walked in. She spoke over the din in the living room. "The Manchester downtown."

He nodded and shrugged. "You know you could stay here."

"I didn't want to plan on that kind of arrangement in case it fell through, Maru." She walked into the living room to see Yash holding Roku back with Kagome and San's help.

"It isn't fucking worth it, Roku!" Yash snarled.

"Just let it go! I don't care, you know that!" San cried out.

"I care! He groped you!" Roku ground out, his eyes fierce and hateful.

Oni stood a bit back, leaning on the couch with Kikyo nearby. Both wore condescending smiles that made Kaia's stomach turn slightly. Behind them, both with scowls on their faces were Kouga and Ayame.

"You should just get a ring, Maru. A big ring with ropes and everything." Kaia commented loud enough to capture the room's attention. She smirked as all the eyes fell on her. "Perhaps there could be Jell-O. Or mud. Or, hey, foam. Foam would work too."

Kagome's eyes widened and then sparkled with unshed tears. She raced across the room to a giggling Kaia and spun with her, holding on tightly for several moments in the still silent, stunned room before she could speak. When she did, though she did not pull away, her voice was laden with tears. "I've missed you so much... Every day."

She closed her eyes to avoid the gaze of a certain young man from across the room and also to block her view of Kikyo and Oni, though her smile did not fade. "I've missed you, too. And I'm sorry..."

"For what?" Kagome asked, pulling back suddenly, her face red and puffy from the silent tears that had escaped her.

Kaia smiled and pulled an embroidered handkerchief from her pocket, dabbing her cousin's cheeks. "How is it that you're even pretty when you cry?" She sighed and shook her head when Kagome raised her eyebrow in question, voicing her query again silently. "I'm only sorry that I didn't have the courage to come back until now. It took me a long time to realize that a beautiful dream coming true doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot when you don't have anyone to share it with."

"You've always had..."

She stilled Kagome with the shake of her head. "No. I haven't."

Kikyo scowled and studied her cousin and twin where they stood, so perfectly together. "Oh, come off it, Raine!"

Her head snapped sharply to her cousin and stared her down with an uncharacteristic glare that surprised the room. "Don't ever presume that you can call me by that name, Kikyo. I wouldn't let you before and I certainly wouldn't now. There are only two people in the world that have ever been allowed to call me by that name. One's dead and the other one most certainly is not you."

Kikyo blinked and then blinked again. Then she smiled wickedly. "Well. Look her finally grew some fangs."

"And a back bone, no less."

"Shut the fuck up, Oni." His voice was soft but dangerous. He refused to look up from the floor. He couldn't. He'd lose his precarious control if he did. He felt Roku and San's hands on his shoulders pushing him back. When had he begun advancing on him?

"Yash, don't." Her voice was so soft. Pleading. Two small, warm hands fell on his chest and he glanced up into pools of deep green. His tense muscles slackened and he reached up to gently grasp her shoulders. "Please, don't, ok?"

"Raine..." He whispered, unable to look away from her, transfixed by the warmth in her eyes and the deep well of sorrow he knew he had put there.

"You both better go." Maru growled to Oni and Kikyo. "You know when we'll be playing next, if you even get an invite back."

"What? She walks in and suddenly you're willing to kick us out? You fucker!"

"Oni, quit." She said, sharply from where she stood, still held fast by Yash. She didn't even turn to look at him when he spoke. "You and Kikyo can play in whatever the hell it is that's going on in the gaming group. I don't care." She turned and looked at him standing with Kikyo and smirked. "Your presence certainly does not bother me even in the slightest."

Oni smirked and gathered his and Kikyo's things before leaving through the front door without further word. Kaia returned her gaze to Yash's worried and slightly enraged eyes. "Hi , there." She reached up with both hands, pushing his long ebony locks behind his ears before speaking again. "Think you can control that short fuse for one night a week?"

"Rai... Kaia, I'm sorry..."

"I don't want to hear it, Yash."

"I have to make it right." His eyes began to shimmer with panic as he gripped her arms with more force.

She sighed and smiled, suddenly embracing him. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his ear once he slowly returned her embrace. "It is right or else I wouldn't have come back here. The time for apologies is long past for both of us. It wasn't why I came here and I won't hear them, so stop trying to make me." She pulled back and smiled a sad, little smile. "And, also, if you ever call me Kaia again, I will deck you so hard, you won't wake up for a week. Anything but Raine coming from you feels wrong... Sounds wrong."

He stared at her in disbelief. The world had gone still around them for a short while and now it was returning to step with them. "I thought I lost that right."

She laughed. It wasn't her old, carefree, musical laugh, but it was close. "Don't you think it's about time you got it back?"

She began to pull away from him and he felt a little tear inside of him. But that ripping sensation was located in a part of him that he thought had died when she'd left and so the pain was welcome. He released her reluctantly and nodded, but not before reaching out to brush a long lock of hair from her face. It felt like a piece of midnight made out of silk. "I missed you, Raine."

She tilted her head and smiled wickedly. "No, really, you think?"

He watched her with a slightly crooked smile as she hugged the others in the room, answering questions about her life in Italy and what it was like to be on stage. She answered, speaking softly but with a great deal of amusement, as if she had pictured the scene before it took place. Every now and then his breath would catch in his throat when their eyes would crash together and hers would sparkle like they had years before and before everything had happened. He noticed with his own amusement that Maru and Kagome were sitting closer together than they had in the last few days. He knew they were going at it like rabbits. He would have had to be deaf not to have known, considering they lived in the same house. However, in the day to day, he had seen their distance both physically and emotionally. With Raine just being in the room, they seemed to relax and press closer like they had before she had gone even during the hardest time of their lives.

The conversation soon began to turn toward relationships and what Italian hottie she might have met and fallen in love with. At that point he couldn't stomach hearing much more. Her life there already sounded like a dream to him. The dream he'd always wanted for her and that she'd always said she'd wanted. He walked to the kitchen and poured himself a large mug of coffee from his pot, leaving the other for Maru and Kagome. They wouldn't touch the stuff he made.

"Do you still always make a full pot or is there only enough in there for one cup?" He turned slowly and saw her standing in the doorway braiding her thick black hair with her nimble fingers, tying it with a band she pulled from her pocket so the long braid of night fell onto her shoulder and over her right breast. She raised a brow at him with mischief in her gaze. "Cat got your tongue, Yash?"

"No... You do, I think." He replied before he could take back the words. He turned sharply and grabbed another mug, filling it up for her. He held it out to her and she approached, taking it from him. "Raine... Why... I mean, I'm glad you're here, but why?"

She sipped the coffee slowly, watching him as he reached out for his mug. She grabbed it first, took a long, slow drink and then handed her mug to him with a mischievous smirk. "Yours always tasted better anyways."

His lips quirked in amusement. "Stolen goods usually are. Better, I mean... You dodged my question, Imp."

She laughed and drank from his mug slowly before responding. "Because it was time. Not just for me, but... For everyone. Kagome and I have kept in contact this whole time by phone and email and post. I still have every letter and email. We're all grown-ups now, Yash, not just kids playing house. Maru was still basically just an older kid when we moved in here. When... Everything, and you know the shit of it is? I can't even say the words. I can't say what happened. None of us can. Kagome can only dance around it and, from what she told me, so do you and your brother. And I think I finally know why."

He put down his mug, his coffee, which had been hers, now halfway drained. His heart suddenly began to weigh down. This topic of conversation always made him ache and feel heavier than he actually was. Like he had twenty pounds strapped to his chest. "Why would that be?"

She sat down her mug after taking a long drink, licking the droplets of rich, dark liquid from her upper lip. "Because the words make it real." She saw him wince and stepped closer, resting her hands on his chest lightly, capturing his gaze possessively. "Kagome miscarried the baby. She fell down a flight of stairs six months into her pregnancy and the doctors haven't ever been able to confirm if she'll be able to conceive again. Maru hasn't ever forgiven himself for not being there that day. Kagome hasn't ever forgiven herself for falling. I still have nightmares about seeing her fall down her parent's stairs and then laying so still at the foot of them... And then there's us. You let me go because we both had dreams. You have been working since you graduated high school for that editor's position at your uncle's publishing house. You almost are there, too. I wanted to sing and then I was given the chance to go to the Boston Conservatory and... And you pushed me away because you wanted me to have my dream and I didn't hold onto you because I wanted you to have yours too... But then you slept with Kikyo and even though I forgave you for it and I still forgive you, the pain never went away, did it? Because I ran away..."

He grasped her arms gently but firmly, shaking her just enough to silence her. "Stop..."

"There's more, though, and you know it. There's more behind why I left..."

"I don't want to know." He whispered, almost pleadingly as he pressed his brow to hers. "Please, Raine, I don't want to hear it yet."

She pressed back into the pressure where their heads rested, her eyes half closed and down turned. "I never stopped, you know..."

"I know. Now I know." His hands slipped to her back, pulling her closer. He smiled faintly as she pressed to him. "Neither did I."

"It won't be the same again."

"Nothing ever is."

"There's still one more thing..."

"I told you I don't want to know right now."

"But you have to."

"Later."

She trembled as he turned his head, brushing his lips against hers. "Later." She murmured and then crashed together with him, her fingers grasping his shirt into tight fists as he kissed her and she returned the passionate connection. Slowly she pulled back just enough to breathe. "After so long I thought I had been dreaming you were that good..."

He smiled cockily and nipped her lower lip gently. "Italian men aren't good kissers?"

She blushed and pulled back to meet his gaze, her eyes sparkling and shy suddenly. "Idiot... There weren't any Italian men. Or Boston men for that matter."

He blinked and his smile began to fade, as if he were contemplating some mystery that had eluded the ages. He reached out and caressed her cheek with calloused fingertips. "Stay."

She leaned slightly into his touch. "Stay?"

"The night. For the rest of your vacation. Stay here." He breathed and leaned to kiss the tip of her nose tenderly before capturing her lips again in a slow, languid kiss. A thrill went through him when she returned the kiss and pressed against him once more.

She pulled back after a moment, so breathless she could barely whisper. "Let's start with the night and see how that goes..."

He smiled and cradled her close. "What room?"

She didn't miss the hope in his voice. "Can we start with the guest room? I... I want to make sure this is what we want, Yash. Otherwise I'm just going to lose myself in you again and... While that isn't a horrible fate..."

"You want to make sure that it will work out."

"I want to make sure I'm willing to stay. Not a night. Not for a month... Forever. I'm not the bright-eyed eighteen year-old with her whole life ahead of her. I'm twenty five years old and... I'm tired of playing the game, Yash. I don't want you unless we're forever and I don't want to have forever unless I know we're both willing to hold onto it this time." She looked up and met his gaze again. She smiled at the melancholy, hopeful, happy look on his face. "I've spent my whole life doing what everyone thought was best for me... My dreams were even shaped around what those I loved best told me should have been my dreams and... Yash, it's time I start figuring out what I really want. What my dreams really are and stop letting other people decide for me."

"Then I'll be patient..." She laughed and he kissed her to silence her. "I'll wait to see what it is you figure out and, even if it isn't me, at least I'll know you'll be happy... And it will be what you want."

Her lips quirked and she hugged him tightly, closing her eyes when he returned the embrace. "I love you always."

He smiled and swallowed the faint bitterness that was creeping up in his stomach. He'd be happy for her. As happy as he could be knowing this beautiful girl... This woman who his whole being screamed had been made for him, was not his any more. He made a promise to himself that he'd do whatever he could to make sure that she did, in fact, choose to stay with him. "I love you, too. I always have."

Maru was sulking. She had noticed it shortly after he had returned from an unsuccessful trip to the kitchen and, though the sulk had relaxed significantly, it was still in place hours later while they were getting ready for bed. She scowled as she watched him from the door of the bathroom sitting naked in bed with the covers over him still firmly caught in a less than sexy scowling pout. She sighed and spit out the toothpaste into the sink and rinsed her brush before slipping from her robe and joining him under the covers. His mind was a million miles away and it bothered her.

"Hey... Where are you?" She asked softly and when he did not respond, she gently caressed his thigh; her small hand drifting toward his groin, knowing the action would startle him out of his deep thoughts.

She smirked when he grabbed her hand and looked down at her with a questioning frown. "Did you say something?"

She sat up and slipped into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder. "I asked you where you were, Love. You've been sulking all night practically."

He sighed and tried to gather his thoughts. "I saw Yash and Kaia kissing in the kitchen."

She raised a brow, but wasn't surprised. "Is that all?"

He grumbled and looked down at her with intense and fierce eyes. "She's like my little sister. Yash cheated on her and she ran. She's still hurt, I can see it in her eyes..."

"They were broken up by then. He didn't cheat..."

"Why are you defending him now?" He pulled away from her, studying her with a sudden and unsettling feeling of anger toward her.

She shook her head and smiled sadly. "Because you don't know all of the story, Maru. Kaia didn't leave because Yash slept with Kikyo after they split up. She left because..." She looked down and bit her lower lip, trying to force her other memories away.

"Because?" His anger retreated suddenly, knowing where her mind had gone and not liking its course.

She slipped into his embrace again and they lay down under the covers. "She was so broken up and I couldn't help her because I was broken too at that time... So were you, even more than me in some ways and so I told her not to go to you after she caught them together. I tried to help her, but she pulled back and then left the house. She was gone all night and most of the next day. When she came back, she started packing her suit cases."

"Where had she gone?"

"She had gone to Oni. To tell him what his girlfriend had been up to. Apparently, from what Oni told her, he and Kikyo had an open relationship allowing them to sleep with whomever they wanted and, for the longest time, Oni said that she'd wanted Yash... So Kikyo went after him with Oni's blessing." She felt her lover tense and held to him a bit tighter. "There's more, but you have to promise you won't lose it."

He took a slow, deep breath. "I'm in control."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

She sighed and continued. "She told me that she and Oni started to get drunk. She had wanted to get smashed. She said she hurt so much and she had just wanted to deaden the pain. She told me she remembered asking him, after helping him empty a bottle of rum, to help her deaden the pain. She asked him to help her get revenge on Yash. And he... He obliged. She didn't remember exactly what happened, but she woke up the next morning with a horrible hang over, tangled up in Oni's bed naked... With Oni. She started to leave and he held onto her. When she slapped him and got dressed, he told her she couldn't take it back and that she'd made the choice. The thing was, as drunk as she was, she remembered making the choice and that her mind had been clear. Then she came back here... And then she left."

"He... She was drunk."

"So was he."

"He raped her."

"It was consensual, Maru."

"He still should have stopped. He should have..."

"Maru..."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" His eyes were stricken as they looked at each other. Then something softened in his gaze. "Does Yash know?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Oni doesn't pride himself on holding back." She caressed his jaw gently before she spoke again. "And as to why I didn't tell you... Maru, it wasn't mine to tell, and I knew you'd react this way. And at the time, I knew what the outcome would have been and I wouldn't let you be put in prison on assault charges against a friend."

"Why... Why did you tell me now?" He understood her reasoning. He was far from in control back then. Anything set him off and that would have sent him off the deep end.

"Because I know why Kaia came back. And why she came back now. She's trying to set things right, Maru. With Yash and with you and with me. She wants her life back and, for good or bad, she never stopped loving Yash."

He pulled her tightly against him and breathed her in deeply. Her hair always smelled like plumaria. "I want her to be happy."

"You don't think she can be with your brother?"

He smirked and pulled back enough to meet her gaze. "I think if she can be happy with him again... You can be happy with me again too."

She smiled a sad little smile and kissed him deeply, pressing her form to his invitingly and her heart skipped as he accepted her invitation. Happiness was relative... Relative to more than just what they could mean to each other. It depended on what they could have between them.

"That is not a word, Yash."

"It don't matter."

"That is not the proper use of grammar!"

"I don't fucking care, Raine!"

"You should refine your language if you plan on being an editor for a major publishing house, Yash!"

Kagome raised her brow at the commotion, steeling herself before she walked into the kitchen. The conversation was very familiar. Hauntingly so. "What world war is this?"

"I lost count fifteen ago." Maru grumbled as he poured himself some coffee, and then handed Kagome a cup. At the kitchen table sat Yash and Kaia arguing over language and word use in proper speech. Yash wrote very well, however, his speech patterns were crude and sounded uneducated. Kaia and Yash fought over the importance of language on a regular basis... Well, when they were together, so, while the racket and ferocity of their conversation was disconcerting, it was also a happy change. The house felt more like home again.

"You can't change the way I speak, Raine. I can speak very well. Eloquently if I need to, I just don't want to. Not here. Not with you. Not while I'm home."

She poked her egg with her fork and watched as thick, yellow oozed from within the protective white glazed with the butter that had browned in the pan. "I'm not trying to change you, Yash. I was trying to make a point."

"Fine." He reached out with a piece of toast and dipped it into the yoke that was pooling on her plate. He smirked at her fiery, outraged eyes before eating a bite of the yellow-coated whole grain bread. "Point made. My point is that you're really, really pretty when you want to rip my head off."

She reached out and stole his mug of coffee that was still half full and replaced it with her empty one. She laughed at his disgruntled countenance as she sipped at the liquid. "Mine was empty." She said innocently.

He stood and growled as he grabbed her empty mug. "I was wondering when you were going to steal my coffee."

"Stolen goods, Yash."

"Uhu. Just remember I hadn't brushed my teeth yet when I started that cup."

"Mmm, Yash's morning breath coffee." She murmured with a mischievous smile.

Maru and Kagome began to laugh and Yash looked at her with slightly horrified eyes. "That is disgusting, Raine!"

She turned her head slightly and met his gaze. "My point is that you're really adorable when I gross you out... Oh, and I win."

He shook his head and chucked, returning to the table with their pot of coffee. He refilled their mugs and began drinking out of hers. "So what's on the agenda for today, Imp? It's eight days until Christmas and Maru and I ain't got a single thing to do except keep you and your cousin company."

"Hmmm, well, let's see. I already did my shopping for everyone, so no need to run off to the mall." She chuckled at his raised brow. "Even for you, Yash. I promise you'll like it. So shopping, for me, at least, is out. Really, I thought I'd leave what we do up to you all." She sat back lightly in her chair, finishing off her coffee slowly. She turned a conspiratorial gaze to Maru. "Would you like your co-game master back, Maru?"

He laughed and nodded with a sparkle in his eyes that had been missing for some time. It was the spark of playfulness that both he and Kagome had thought was gone forever. As he turned to find his notes and the character sheets for the campaign, Kagome felt her heart warm a bit at the sight of his happiness. His words from the night before returned to her. If Yash and Kaia could be happy again, why couldn't she and Maru? What was holding her back? Her smile became shallow and faded as she remembered abruptly exactly what was holding her back and she knew she couldn't let it go. Not ever.

She watched her beloved cousin and dear friend and felt something in the pit of her stomach tighten. They weren't that different. She and Kagome had gone through life being mistaken for twin sisters, two halves of the same whole and, if it weren't for their eye color, they might have been mistaken for the other. Even their personalities complimented each other and so, not only were they blood, they were best friends. What struck Kaia, though, as being the most striking similarity that most didn't even begin to see was that they both ran away and hid from their problems. Kaia had run physically and put distance between herself and what she could not handle, but Kagome... Yes, she'd gone far away for long spans of time, but she always came back. She was always just a phone call and a flight away if Maru had wanted her home with him. Kagome ran away into her mind and soul and locked away her heart. The way Kagome ran was into herself and that was a distance not even her best beloveds could cross without great difficulty. She had to find a way to bring her back.

"And I want at least one day with you, Kagome. Just a girl's day." Kagome's eyes flashed and she met her cousin's gaze in question. Kaia smiled to her with warmth, thinly veiling her intent. "We haven't had one of those in a long time."

She nodded slightly and managed a soft smile. "Alright. When?"

"Mmm, maybe in a few days?" When her cousin nodded she grinned and took the pages Maru held out to her with a wink. "Alright... let's see where we stand."

Yash smiled faintly and poured more coffee into her mug, watching her as she began pouring over the notes and characters for Maru's campaign. After a moment, she glanced up and took the mug and sipped from it, her gaze never diverting from his. "Don't worry, Yash." She murmured as Maru and Kagome slipped from the kitchen to go about their day. "I haven't forgotten you." She winked and he smiled. A real smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Part Four:

The problem with calling an error in judgement a mistake is that when the consequence of the error arrises, most people automatically assume the consequence will be negative. Kagome had moved in with Maru, Yash, and Kaia immediately after graduating high school. She'd taken up residency in Maru's bed the same night, there were a few times in the first week they hadn't been exactly careful, and, by the turning of her eighteenth birthday, she found herself pregnant. Her parents hadn't been very enthused, but what could they say? She already had the credentials to land a good job thanks to simultaneously finishing her graduate degree and high school at once. At eighteen, she was given an internship teaching at the university while she worked on her doctoral degree, so the child would be taken care of between her work and Maru's. They'd supported her as they had always supported her, knowing that the momentary lapse in care did not deserve their ire or recrimination… But Kikyo had made it her business to rub her sister's nose in it every chance she could.

Then she'd fallen coming down the stairs from the second floor of her parent's house carrying a few bags of left over things she'd forgotten six months earlier when she'd moved. Kikyo had thrown a fit to their parents every chance she could about ridding the house of everything that was Kagome's, so Kaia and Kagome had come to gather it. Maru had a midterm and Yash had work. The girls had only two bags left, then she'd lost her footing and toppled eight feet of stairs onto the hard tile at the bottom of the stairs, belly first. She could still remember every moment from languishing at the foot of the stairs clutching Kaia's hand as her cousin phoned for an ambulance, Kikyo watching from the top of the stairs with a passive look on her face to the horrible two hours in the emergency room as the doctors cared for her as she miscarried her baby girl. Kaia hadn't left her side. Maru didn't get the message until it was over. He had rushed to her side in the hospital and hadn't left her until the doctors released her. She remembered every second of that day, but what stuck in her mind was the brief meeting of Kikyo and her eyes right before the ambulance had arrived. Kikyo had looked happy.

She'd never been able to relate everything to Maru. How could she? Not even Kaia knew what she'd seen in Kikyo's eyes that day. There were moments when Kagome wasn't even certain what she saw had been real or a manifestation of the relief in her sister once she'd heard the scream of the sirens coming up the street… But she'd just stood there the whole time while it was happening. She hadn't visited her in the hospital. Kagome's room had become a garden of condolence the short time before she was released, but none of them had been for her sister. Even the three bouquets from her parents were devoid of Kikyo's name.

In reality, when she was given the opportunity by the university to work in South America, she took it because she wanted to get as far away from her sister as she could. She wanted to run from her. She was dating a high school friend of Yash's, and so was very nearly always present in Kagome's life. Every Thursday night, Kagome had to see her haughty face while she was recovering. Then the news from her doctor that the scarring on her uterus might cause her to never carry a child to term again hit both her and Maru hard. She took the offer and started to pack and was gone almost a year to the day that she had miscarried their child. That Kaia had departed much earlier hadn't made it much easier for her. Who knows what would have happened if her cousin had tried to fight Yash about breaking up and just stayed there with them? At one point, the four had considered living together in the same house indefinitely. Their habits, personalities and pursuits had always complimented each other. They'd been happy for the first seven months living together. They had been a family, and had her daughter lived, they might have never pulled away from each other as they had.

As each year turned, she felt herself more and more pulling away from Maru. Each visit, at least once they simply skipped contraceptives, though it usually fell on the first night. Last year, she'd even been three weeks late. She'd even done one of the at home tests and was building up her courage to call and tell him… To hear him ask her to come home to him… And then there just wasn't a reason anymore. She knew- had always known- Maru wanted to be a father. He wanted children, and he wanted them with her. If she couldn't give him what he wanted, if she couldn't have that dream, she knew she'd need to let him go. Kagome intended this to be her last Christmas coming home to Maru. In her last letter to Kaia, she'd expressed as much, and then her cousin had appeared at the door.

The cafe was quiet that early in the morning. It opened around six in the morning and the rush didn't begin well until eight. Kaia and Kagome knew they'd have time to talk before their day of shopping and pampering… Though they both knew they'd probably be finished with the pampering after a manicure and pedicure and then head straight to the second hand book stores littered throughout town with a final stop at the music emporium where Yash had worked weekends since high school. Week days were school and working for his uncle at the publishing house, so he wouldn't be at the emporium today, much to Kaia's chagrin.

"I don't know how you can drink your coffee so strong," Kagome said as she watched her cousin sip the quad-shot espresso, an English muffin slathered in butter and marmalade on the plate before her still untouched.

"It tastes better," Kaia responded with a smile as she put down the mug and took a bite of her breakfast. "So… You wanted to talk. Let's get this talked through so we can enjoy our girl's day."

Kagome's brow quirked as she took a bite of her bacon. "Wow, you are really rather forward…"

"Oh?" Kaia quirked her brow and smirked. "You said you needed to talk through your decision so you knew you were making the right one. I can't promise you're going to like what I have to say, but you might as well get your point out there first."

She'd thought Kikyo and Oni were just being jerks when Kaia had shown up. Her cousin had always been playful and sarcastic, but she'd always avoided conflict. She had been passive and leaned on what other people thought was best rather than her own opinion. In reality, her sister and her boy-whatever-he-was were right. Kaia had found her strength and wasn't willing to wait passively for Kagome to dodge the real issues she obviously had picked up on in their letters.

"Maru wants to have children," she began, carefully watching her cousin's reaction and instantly realizing she wasn't going to like the counterargument. "We lost our daughter, and I haven't been able to hold a pregnancy since then… I want him to be happy, but I know that his happiness will only be half if I stay with him. He deserves someone who can give him his dream, and I'll never be able to do that."

She'd known most of the argument from their letters, but she hadn't known about the miscarriages. "Does Maru know you've miscarried since then?"

Kagome swallowed hard and had to look away. Her heart felt like it was cramping. "I… I haven't been able to tell him."

"More than once, I assume?"

"One I can verify… Other times, I was only one or two days late… I was too afraid to test it," she felt tears begin to well. Kaia reached out and took her hands across the table tightly. "One went about three months. I had to go to a doctor after that one."

"Kagome…" Kaia felt her throat tighten. "Why the hell didn't you say anything? Why the hell didn't you say anything at least to Maru?"

"I just… I couldn't…" She let go of Kaia's hands and used her napkin to clean her face and blow her nose as she fought back her emotions. "Why should I put him through that? Thousands of miles were between us…"

"Thousands of miles, but he had the right to know. He loves you," Kagome tensed and Kaia sighed, moving her chair so she could hug her. "You said… This was the last Christmas you were going to be home unless something changed."

Kagome nodded and trembled, leaning her head against her cousin's. "I can't keep leading him on… He deserves to start making his life."

"Do you think he has the right to have any say in this decision?"

She worried her lip a moment before responding. "I'm going to explain the decision to him… Tell him about the miscarriage… I doubt he'll have any difficulty agreeing with me after that."

Kaia scowled and didn't respond. Perhaps it had been too hard to tell him about her miscarriages, but now she was using them as a weapon against him, and it wasn't fair. As Kagome was nearly always on Yash's side, Kaia was nearly always behind Maru. It was part of why their cohabitation worked so well when they were together. There weren't sides. It was equally girls against boys, lovers against lovers, or friends against friends. Their hearts were so intermingled, war was out of the question… _Until now. I came back to fix what was broken… What I broke when I left._ She realized it wasn't her fault. Not really. What had happened was part of life, but Kaia couldn't let one small piece go. _If I'd only stayed… Been strong enough to try to mend what was broken between Yash and me… Maybe Kagome wouldn't have run off to South America. She's said she left because she'd felt alone when I'd gone… It's like together we were four walls of this perfect house… And when I left, the roof collapsed in on them. I can't keep letting them hurt each other._

"No matter what you choose," she whispered and hugged her cousin tightly. "No matter what happens, I love you. Yash loves you… Maru loves you."

"I know, Kaia… I know."

"Why the hell would I want to play this character?"

Kaia smirked and met Oni's gaze. "We gave you all of your powers. We let you have the templates you wanted. You are by far the strongest character in the game. Not even Yash's character could take you down by himself… You'd need ALL of the good guys to come together against you WITH Kikyo backing them up in order to take you down."

"But I'm getting screwed with the story line! Come on, Kaia… Give me something already!"

She rolled her eyes and met Maru's gaze. He was standing across the room reviewing notes and working very hard to keep himself from jumping down Oni's throat. "Fine…" She grabbed a set of colored pencils and drew a happy group of stick figures, labeling each one. "You get Kanna and Kagura as your back up. They'll be your besties and cronies. Since they're new to playing, you can even tell them what to do and probably get away with it."

Oni smiled and took his character sheet, gently caressing Kaia's hand when he did. "There, now… How easy that was…" Kaia tensed as Oni leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "Almost as easy as you were."

Maru turned at the sound of Oni yelping and falling on the floor. Kaia was standing and balling her hands into tight fists as he held his jaw that was bright red from being struck.

"Fuck you," Kaia whispered, not looking away. "Don't you dare every touch me again, Oni."

Oni stood, still a bit in shock that Kaia had done anything at all in response to his touch and words. He gathered his sheets and looked to Maru. They'd been friends a long time and, even though he was mostly an asshole, Oni didn't want to lose their friendship. "Thursday?"

He nodded a bit. "Yeah… Thursday." He could barely look at Oni knowing what had happened between him and Kaia. When Oni was gone, Maru moved to Kaia who was deliberately ignoring everything except organizing the notes for the campaign. He put his hand on her shoulder and she stilled. "I'll call him and tell him not to come if you want me to. He's been so much of an ass lately, I've barely been able to tolerate him."

"No, it's ok," she covered his hand with hers and sighed a bit. "Did Kagome ever tell you what happened? Between Oni and me…"

He bit his lip and sat where Oni had been moments before. "Yeah, recently, actually…" She nodded and smirked, looking away from him.

"I was so stupid… Finding a random pick up at a bar would have been better. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with my mistake showing up over and over again," she looked back to him and sighed. "I've tried to tell Yash, but he keeps deflecting me. Or distracting me…" She remembered the night she'd arrived and how passionate and pleading his kiss had been… His eyes had been. "I get the feeling he already knows all about it, courtesy of Oni."

"Oni wouldn't have a face left if Yash knew," Maru said in an acrid tone. "At least if Oni bragged about it to him."

"Yeah, well…" It had been nearly a week since she'd shown up on his doorstep, and they'd been in step from the moment he'd opened the door. The first time they'd played D&D together, she'd unknowingly made a character that looked and was designed almost exactly like his… Only female. They could have been siblings… So he made sure they were in game. She'd been sixteen at the time, and by the following year, she was his co-game master until she left for Boston, then Italy. He'd missed her the way he imagined he'd miss his own little sister… Everything from the poking wars to the banter sessions, the war of wills to the infinite support and devotion they showed to each other… Much like Kagome and Yash. Which was why he could tell she was holding something back ever since Kagome and she had returned from their girl's day the evening before.

"Do you want to talk about it, or are you ready yet?" She looked up and he knew she was aware of the "it" to which he was referring.

She shook her head and sighed, tapping his hand that was resting on the table, noting the ink stain from writing notes and plans for the campaign on his right middle finger. "I should have come back sooner, Maru. I'm still deciding on what I'm going to do."

"What's the crux? You're happy with him… With us."

 _The crux is that our little family might not exist in three weeks…_ "Two conversations that need to be had… And whether or not everything won't just collapse once they're had."

"Yash is going to forgive you," he said simply and smirked when she looked up sharply to meet his gaze. "He's been in love with you since you met in high school. In seven years, he's dated three girls from the music department… Maybe fooled around with a couple. None of it lasted more than a week before he pulled out your CD and vanished into his room to pout."

Her eyes shimmered and she brushed at them absently. "Damnit… I just figured he was between girlfriends at the moment."

Maru took her hand and squeezed it. "I might piss him off for saying this, but he still wears it… That ring you gave him when you moved in. It's around his neck."

She swallowed hard and nodded, gripping his hand. "Gra anois agus go deo… Love, now and forever," the words felt sweet and yet bitter on her tongue. "I love him… Have always and will always."

"Then… I think you need to figure out when you're going to have that conversation," Maru smiled a bit at her words. "For my part, very little will make me as happy as seeing your silly face every morning drinking coffee and giving my brother hell."

"So… Oni is an evil half demon…"

"Hanyou."

"Sorry, hanyou… Oni is an evil hanyou that has essentially turned Yash, who is also a hanyou, and Kikyo, a miko, against each other in order to steal this jewel called the Shiko No Tama. Yash is pinned to a tree for fifty years until Kagome comes through a well from the future and saves him…"

Maru nodded to Roku with a smirk. "They meet up with my character, Yash's mean and cruel half brother, who is on a quest to take back their father's sword so he can rule the Western Lands fully. Kagome also has miko abilities, and so she and Yash are able to defeat me in this first battle, taking my fighting arm and moving on to pursue the now shattered Shiko No Tama so they can piece it back together and protect fuedal Japan from evil youkai and oni."

"We also have San playing a demon slayer, Roku playing a lecherous monk, Shippo playing a kitsune, Ayame and Kouga playing wolf youkai, and Kanna and Kagura playing youkai created by Oni to serve him." Kaia said, leaning back into the cushions of the couch with a sigh. "I'll be playing other minor characters necessary for moving the story along while Maru runs the game. Any side conversations not game related need to be during breaks only. Game master impromptu meetings will be completed via text during game, which I will respond to. Only in character conversations allowed."

Yash smirked and nodded. "Like old times," he said with a smirk, resting a hand on her knee.

Kaia smiled warmly to him and covered her hand with his. "Yes… Just remember, Maru and I don't play favorites. We run the game and respond as the world. Don't take anything in game personally."

The game began with Yash and Kagome meeting Miroku and Shippo while Oni encountered San and her family of demon slayers. By the end of the evening, Kouga had kidnapped Kagome, and Kaia had begun playing her primary characters, Rin, Kohaku, and Jaken to support Maru's secret efforts to quash Oni and Kikyo's vain attempts to ruin the campaign. Yash was dead on with his assertion at the beginning of the evening… It was just like old times.

As the evening came to a close, Yash helped Kagome gather up the pizza boxes as Kaia and Maru put away their game notes and character progression notes. Oni leaned back against the wall watching the green eyed mirror of his girlfriend and her sister. He had a little bit of regret about the night she'd come to him… And it wasn't that he'd dosed her drink to loosen her up even more than she already was… It was that she couldn't remember how much fun they'd had. It had taken everything in him not to brag to Yash about how good his girl was in bed. She had been an incredibly sweet lay, and he understood why his old friend hadn't gotten serious with anyone else. Just the sounds she made alone had made his night with her memorable… Enough so that Kikyo had been jealous ever since. They had an open relationship, but she had the tendency to be possessive even still. It didn't matter to him who she slept with as long as she used protection… But it mattered to her. He'd never really understood the double standard.

"Let's go," she pulled on his arm and Oni looked down into Kikyo's eyes in question. "I want to go home. Come on."

"So soon? We haven't even started drinking yet," Oni pouted.

"We'll drink at home… They'll just be playing PS3 and cards until dawn, anyway," she wanted to leave. She ached to leave. The way he was looking at Kaia made her stomach twist.

He sighed and then smirked. "Maybe you'd like to come with us, Kaia?" The way she tensed made him smile wickedly whens he looked up. "It will be really fun evening."

"Maybe you should take Kikyo's advice and get gone before my brother hears you say something like that to Kaia again," Maru said without glancing up. "You know she'd rather do just about anything than agree."

Kaia smiled and returned to her organizing. "A horde of ravenous zombies would be preferable to a night with you…"

Kikyo tensed as she was finally able to pull Oni toward the door. She couldn't let that stand… No matter how jealous she was of Kaia and how much Oni wanted to seduce her again, she just couldn't let it stand. "You would know… Wouldn't you, Raine?"

She didn't respond as Oni and Kikyo left. She was too caught up in the look Yash was giving her across the room, and it was making her heart shatter for all the hurt she saw there.


	5. Chapter 5

Part Five:

The engine of the car roared as he pressed his toe to the gas, watching the speedometer raise sharply with his lead-footed encouragement. It had been his grandfather's car on his mom's side- a '65 mustang with chipped and rusting paint when he'd gotten it, and an engine that clunked when it started. Maru, their father and he had worked for nearly a year on it, rebuilding and fabricating everything until it had been restored and purred like a kitten then the ignition turned. His senior year, he'd taken Kaia to prom in the car, and had spent until nearly dawn driving after. Her uncle had nearly decked him when they'd shown up so late, but it had been worth it just to have her leaning against him as he drove into the foothills until they found an abandoned spot. That was their first night together, and the first time she told him she loved him.

He preferred driving into the foothills outside of town rather than cruising the city streets when he needed to think. He could think back to all the lazy afternoons and dark evenings when the passenger seat had been occupied and the only music was the sound of her singing to the instrumental tracks playing through her earbuds. He drove when he needed to think or focus on a project. Studying, papers, and homework all came easily for him. Contrary to what one might have thought after conversing with him, he was not completely dimwitted. He was brilliant, actually, and incredibly talented as an essayist and poet, as well as being a top-notch editor. It was how he'd made his petty cash while in high school and college. Raine knew all of that, though. She knew him inside and out- how to love him completely and hurt him utterly. He'd never thought she'd actually try to hurt him, though. He'd built her up as this perfect, beautiful goddess he didn't deserve. After tonight, she was human in front of him, and the sensation was utterly jarring.

"Yash, I tried… I tried to tell you," she looked so panicked as he stared at her, utterly dumbfounded. "I've tried since I've been back, and I wanted to before, but I was so guilty and ashamed of it… It was why I left. The real reason."

He couldn't keep standing there with everyone staring at them. He felt completely naked and wished to hell she'd just sat him down and told him when they'd been alone, his insistence be damned. "I… Can't." He ground out and turned on his heel, returning to the kitchen.

"Damnit…" He could hear her push by Kagome to follow him.

He opened a cabinet and grabbed the biggest metal thermos they had, opening it and dumping a full pot of his coffee in, scowling when it only made it half way up. He grabbed his brother's pot of coffee and emptied it, making due with the fact that it was still only about eighty percent full by emptying the last of the instant into the murky brown depths before tightening the lid and shaking it.

She had been watching him, tears welling and falling for a full minute before she could speak. "It happened the night you slept with Kikyo… When I walked in on you… I went to tell Oni, and I ended up getting smashed with him… I was just so angry and hurt, and he was there…"

"He was there, so you used him to get back at me," he said it softly but without hesitation when she'd paused, frowning deeply when she sobbed. "Fuck, Raine… Do you know how long I've been killing myself over that night? Every damned day, I've wished to hell I'd just kept it in my pants and told Kikyo to go to hell. But I've never once in that time thought there was any other reason than my own stupidity and inadequacy that drove you away."

She hung her head, clutching at something below her shirt just above her breast. "Yash, I love you…"

He took a step and grabbed the back of her neck, burrying his hand in her hair, drawing her into a deep, hard kiss. He could taste the tears on her lips, shuddering at the sound of a soft cry escaping her, the feel of her hands clutching at his chest. He pulled back and met her tearful, reddening eyes, "I love you, too. I've always loved you since the first day I saw you. Do you remember… First day of high school when you were auditioning for the choir… You sang that aria by Verdi… And I thought to myself that I'd never seen or heard anyone so beautiful. All I've wanted was you even before I knew you existed." He took a step back, looking away from her abruptly. "I need to take a drive."

"When will you be back?"

He grabbed his backpack from the kitchen table after throwing on his trench coat and beanie. "I don't know…" He looked at her once more as he took the thermos, aching to reach out and touch her. "This isn't… This isn't you, Raine. It's all me."

She hadn't tried to stop him, but he could hear her starting to weep right before he exited the back door.

He finally parked at the outlook where he'd visited so often with Raine years before. He got out of the car, pulled the blanket and lantern out of the trunk and set himself up with a full view of the night, city far in the distance. After a moment, he turned on the electric lantern, poured himself a full mug of coffee and pulled out his pad of paper and pencil before beginning to write. It was near freezing- something he'd not taken into consideration when he'd left. It didn't matter so long as he didn't fall asleep outside his car. The words were coming in any event and the coffee was hot enough to keep his insides warm.

By the time dawn overtook the night sky, he'd filled the legal pad with poetry and essays, his coffee was long gone, and his pencil was sharpened down to a small nub of graphite, wood, and entirely untouched eraser. He sighed a bit and leaned back into the bumper of his car, closing his eyes. He wasn't angry at her- he hadn't really been at all, he was just startled… Startled and pissed off at himself. He had known her departure had been too abrupt to have been only about him, but he'd shaken it off because he thought she was going toward her dreams. She was free to become as amazing as he'd always known she had been, and he'd watched from the distance as she bloomed and had become a much sought after diva in Europe. He'd continued on in his own pursuits, but he'd always felt strange about her departure and that she'd never taken a moment to confront him about it. The Raine he'd known hated conflict, but she loved to argue with him… She wouldn't have just walked away without saying her piece to him, but she had… And he hadn't known why until now when there wasn't a damned thing he could do to save even one of the seven years he'd lost with her.

He stood after a few moments when the sun was fully risen over the outline of the distant city and packed his trunk with the lantern and blanket before tossing the empty thermos and his pack onto the back seat. He sat heavily behind the wheel and reached absently to touch the passenger seat. It hadn't been about her when he'd left, but it was all about her coming home.

She looked at the box in her hand and trembled. She'd been home nearly two weeks, and now she was about four days late. Abruptly, she put the pink pregnancy test box back onto the shelf and started walking toward the entry door, then stopped again. She wouldn't have the courage to buy it again in a week when she'd really have a yes or no confirmation, but she was afraid Maru would find it before or even after that happened.

Kagome had left the house early that morning to buy eggs so Maru could make French toast. It was Kaia's favorite breakfast food, and her cousin had sat up all night waiting for Yash to come home. She wouldn't speak to any of them when he'd left, just had sat down at the piano and either played or wrote music until dawn. She'd gone upstairs when he still wasn't home. He hadn't been answering Kagome or Maru's calls, either, but neither were entirely worried just yet. Yash was known to go on late night drives when he was anxious or upset since Kaia had gone, and he always was back some time in the early morning. If he wasn't by lunch, then his brother might have become worried.

She'd decided to go to a drug store rather than a grocery. The eggs were more expensive, but it was closer to the house, and a grocery store might not have had what she needed. She looked down at the plastic red basket hanging on her arm, staring unmoving in the Christmas isle now decorated for Valentine's day, looking blankly at the eggs sitting at the bottom. "Fuck it…" She turned and walked back to the feminine care isle and grabbed up the pregnancy test again before walking quickly to the register to purchase both items.

By the time she was walking up the drive, she heard the familiar purr of Yash's Mustang as it cruised the street to the house. He parked and smiled sadly at her. "You look like hell," she said softly when he hugged her at the door.

"Yeah… Writing all night in freezing weather will do that."

"Yash…" They stepped into the house and he just looked at her and shook his head.

"Kagome, don't, please. I know I should have called, but I couldn't. I just…" Maru leaned in the doorway of the kitchen, watching his brother intently. "Where's Raine?"

"Asleep or at least in her room," Maru replied, noting as Yash relaxed a bit. "Don't want to talk yet?"

He shook his head. "I wasted seven years of my life thinking she was out there… Broken hearted, but at least happy… Not guilty and punishing herself. I wasted seven years thinking not going to her was doing her a favor," he scowled, bile rising in his throat. "Fuck me… I'm such an asshole. I don't even know what to do with this… I'm just so damned tired."

Kagome watched as he turned and walked up the stairs, sighing as she handed Maru the eggs. "I wish there was something…"

"It's up to them, Babe," he replied softly. "It's always been up to them."

He stared at the golden chain hanging from his door handle for a full minute before taking the fine thin chain into his hand to examine the silver ring dangling at the end. He felt his chest tighten a bit as he pulled the matching ring from under his shirt. The rings had been a promise they'd made when they'd first moved in together. They were a symbol of their future, and, when everything had gone to hell, he'd stopped wearing it on his finger and started keeping his around his neck. So had she, apparently.

He shook his head and opened the door to his room, clutching the ring in his free hand. On the floor, like bread crumbs, were articles of clothing leading to his bed where a body lay covered with a sheet and blankets on his side of the bed. He closed the door quietly and put his bag by his desk as he followed the articles of clothing, noting each piece: two socks, a thin sweater, a shirt, torn up jeans, a bra and matching lacy pink panties. He crouched near where she slept soundly, naked in his bed before taking off his boots, beanie, and coat, and joining her in bed. He rested atop the covers, turned on his side to watch her sleep.

The Raine he'd known would never have even considered being so stubbornly forward with what she wanted. She would have written him a note, or a song, or waited for him to be ready. She would have passively sat until he came to her when everything had been processed in his mind, and he knew exactly what he wanted… Then simply obliged as she did when he'd said he wanted her to go to Boston. She'd refused to break it off with him, then he'd broken up with her, then he'd broken her heart… He'd broken her. The woman sleeping naked in his bed was the woman who had healed and grown from that place of brokenness. She'd found herself and become stronger and aggressive in her desires. She wasn't willing to put up with the crap other people dealt her, and he'd found since she'd returned that he only loved her more for her strength than when he'd always had to run interference and stand up for her when the world kept knocking her down.

He forced himself to stay awake, waiting to see if she was near waking, or if she was so deeply asleep, he might have a chance to catch a few quick hours. Just before she woke, he noticed something he'd completely missed since her return. Her left ring finger had a band of skin that was lighter than the rest of the finger- pale as if it had been covered continually for a long while. He looked at the poesy ring in his hand and felt his heart twist. When she'd bought them, they had worn them on their right ring fingers, always intending to transfer them to their left when they eventually married. At some point in the seven years she'd been gone, she'd transferred the ring to her left hand and let it remain perpetually. Her eyes fluttered a few moments later, and she took in the room before noticing him resting beside her.

Before she spoke, he put the ring on her chest and touched her left hand. "When did you take it off?"

Her eyes widened and then filled with tears. "When I was on the plane. I bought the chain in Milan…" A soft sob escaped her. "Yash, I'm sorry… So, so sorry…"

"Don't be," he whispered and took her hand, kissing her ring finger gently before placing her ring back where it belonged, putting the expensive chain on the bedside table. "It's only a ring… But your finger looked naked."

She laughed suddenly, then sobbed again, watching as he kissed the ring on her finger, his own no longer hidden beneath his shirt, hanging from a silver chain on the bedding from his neck. "You know what I mean," she started, then stopped at the strength of his gaze.

"I don't care about it, except it is a bit upsetting to know Oni took advantage of you when he knew how upset you were… Drunk off your ass or sober, there isn't a good excuse for that kind of choice," he said softly, but unwaveringly. "Are you sober now?"

She swallowed and nodded, trembling as he took off his ring and put it in her hand, putting the chain next to hers on the table. "Are you…"

"Don't, Raine… Don't question this," he murmured, meeting her eyes. "You know I don't say things unless I mean them."

She nodded and slipped the ring on his left hand ring finger, kissing it once it hilted at his knuckle. He watched her, trembling deeply, then stood and began to undress. His eyes didn't waver as she sat up, the bedding only partially obscuring her breasts as he kicked away his pants and boxers to join her. She gasped softly as he drew her into his arms, the softest sob slipping into the heat of his kiss. She'd missed him- missed everything about him to the way he always teased her to these moments when the only thing she could even process fully was how much she ached for him.

He rolled her gently onto him, caressing her back sensually as they continued their kiss, groaning softly as she slowly engulfed him in heat and silk.

She could smell the scent of the French toast from downstairs as she carefully hid the pregnancy test in the bottom of her small carry on bag before putting it back under the bed where the bag went untouched every time she came for a visit. She stood and went to the bathroom and raised her shirt, gently caressing her abdomen. She hadn't taken oral contraception since they found out she was pregnant just after her eighteenth birthday. She couldn't bring herself to take it month after month when she knew all she wanted was to become a mother. Maru had said he didn't want to start trying until they were both finished with their doctorates and together again, but she needed to know if that future was even viable. She needed to know if she could even make it through six months… To the point of viability where they might save her child if it were premature.

"Thirty two weeks…" She whispered, feeling her throat tighten. She turned from the mirror and fought back her tears. If she could make it to thirty two or thirty four weeks, she could have the baby preterm and it would have almost a hundred percent chance at surviving and growing up healthy. In reality, she didn't need the test to know she was pregnant. Her body worked like clockwork and she was never late… Never… Except.

She was yanked out of her thoughts suddenly by an unexpected sound across the hall. She poked her head out quietly and her eyes widened at the soft sounds coming from Yash's room. Just to be certain, she tip toed to the guest room and found it empty, the bed empty and neatly made by her cousin. Her eyes widened again hearing said cousin moaning the name of her lover's brother. "Oh my god," she mouthed, then tip toed down the stairwell quickly as she could without alerting them to her presence.

Fighting laughter, grinning a splitting smile, she entered the kitchen just as Maru was putting half of the French toast into the oven in a tin foil covered pan. He had music playing and hadn't heard the soft sound of copulation just above their heads.

"What has you grinning like Cheshire cat?"

She covered her mouth and laughed a chortling laugh as she sat at the table. Maru put a plate of toast and bacon in front of her as she laughed again and he raised his brow, waiting for her hysteria to pass and answer his question. Finally, she was able to catch her breath and shook her head, meeting his gaze both amused and a bit confused.

"Yash and Kaia are together."

He almost choked on his coffee, spitting it back in his mug and scowling before processing what she said. "Together… As in… Above our heads they are currently…"

"Beast with two backs… Yes." She watched him with amusement dancing in her eyes. She poured syrup onto the French toast and began to eat, watching her lover process this new information.

"Are you sure they aren't…" A lull in the music and the sound of a cry and groan caused him to pause before he continued, his eyes a bit wide. "Right."

Kagome watched as he began eating in silence, his music barely masking what was going on upstairs. After a few moments of trying valiantly to ignore it, he stood, dumped his coffee and looked at her with a crooked smile. "Would you like to go for a ride, or give them a run for their money?"

She laughed and stood, slipping easily into his arms. "Take me to see a movie or something… Give them the day or until they exhaust themselves. I know how hard it is to go a year without you, and they've been apart seven."

He nodded and kissed her tenderly, caressing her hair. His mind fell on the small box under their Christmas tree and he smiled softly. "Movie, then lunch… Shippo has been begging us to come to his restaurant since you got here, and I really think you'd enjoy it."

"Ramen?"

Maru laughed and nodded. "Best I've ever had outside of Tokyo."

"Deal," she glowed and kissed him again before grabbing his hands and pulling him toward the door as the sound of lovemaking became more than the music could mask.

He closed his eyes, still gasping for breath as he came to rest with his head against her abdomen just below her breasts. She was panting softly, her fingers nimbly working through his sweat matted hair, her body trembling softly in afterglow. After several long moments, he crawled up her form, capturing her lips and kissing her deeply and lovingly. How long had he ached for her? How many nights had he been in bed awake until dawn just thinking and remembering how she felt in his arms? He'd lost count. He'd developed insomnia over the years, never sleeping more than a few hours a night before collapsing and falling asleep for a whole day, calling in sick. She sighed into the kiss, gently clinging to him, causing waves of pure joy to run through him.

"I love you," she whispered, caressing his jaw.

He took her hand and wove their fingers together, gazing down into her sleepy, half opened eyes. "I love you, too."

He gathered her up into his embrace and held her as close as he could, drawing the blankets up around them. He found he didn't need to fight for sleep as physical exertion and mental exhaustion began to drag him into a peaceful slumber, but he noted she still was asleep long before he closed his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

Part Six:

"Tell me again exactly why we're torturing ourselves like this?"

"Family tradition," Kaia replied, her fingers stained a dark red as she took another of the frozen cherries from the plate and gently put it into the molded chocolate circle, adding a small dab of royal icing.

"We're only going to my parent's house for Christmas dinner tomorrow, and I don't remember us EVER making chocolate covered cherries from scratch…" Kagome smirked as she watched Kaia's shoulders sag a bit. "They're going to be overjoyed just to see you…"

"I know, but I want to do something special, and I learned how to cook while I was in Europe… It just seemed like a nice thing to do."

"Is that all this is? Are you sure?"

Kaia sat back as she finished filling the last shell and cast Kagome a gaze that might have either frozen or burnt Maru or Yash. "Neither of them ever really approved of you and I moving in with Maru and Yash right after high school. They accepted it, learned to deal with it… But neither of them liked us doing what amounted to giving up our futures in their eyes."

Kagome sighed and took the tray of filled shells and, following Kaia's instruction of how to cover the bottoms, carefully scraping away the excess chocolate before it cooled, then sat the last of the five molds into the freezer. She turned and met her cousin's identical gaze. "I have a few questions, since we're the only two in the house right now and you aren't diverted with Yash…"

Her mouth quirked into a smile and she raised her brow. "Shoot."

"Are you staying… Or is he going?" Kagome noted the tension that developed at her question. She watched Kaia as she gathered her response.

"The easy answer is that we just haven't made time to talk it through… We've been really caught up in each other, and there's more than half a month left before we need to make that choice, really…"

"But, if you had to make a choice this moment, what would it be?" Kagome noted the shimmer in Kaia's gaze, but did not need to wait long for her answer.

"My contractual obligation ends in March… I'd need to give them at least six weeks notice in order to find and groom my replacement as they've already talked to me about renewing…"

"You've already made your choice, then?"

She nodded and smiled, a few tears wetting her cheeks. "I think I forgot how to be happy. If we'd parted on better terms, maybe I'd have found other ways to before now, but it comes so easily when I'm with him… Like breathing. I've made a few calls to the university, and they're willing to hire me as a vocal coach and performance instructor when the new school year begins next fall."

"Does Yash know?" She felt her heart race a bit, not having realized how easily such a choice could be made. Kaia had wealth and an amazing and glamorous life in Italy. She was so frugal, Kagome already knew she didn't need to ever work again if she chose to stay at home and write music and have late mornings with Yash every day for the rest of her life, but it seemed almost jarring for her to be so ready to drop all of it after only a week back… And only three nights entangled with Yash.

"No, I made the call this morning after he went off with Maru to meet their father before our big get together tomorrow evening…" She stood and hugged Kagome tightly. "You think I'm throwing it all away, don't you?"

Kagome sighed and nodded a bit before going and pouring herself some coffee. "I think you've worked so hard the last seven years, it would be a shame to just quit, especially after the success of the last five."

"And here's the other part of our conversation we never had…" Kagome looked up sharply, a sour expression shadowing the sudden fire in her eyes.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Kaia sat back at the counter and took a finger full of chocolate that was hardening in the bowl, slowly sucking it away before she responded. "Are you really happy digging around in South America? Successful, proud, and purposeful, I'm sure, but are you happy the way you were about eight years ago when we first moved in together?"

Kagome swallowed and sat down her mug. "I don't think I'll ever be that happy again. I don't know if it's possible to find my way back there."

She sighed and watched Kagome stare out the kitchen window for several moments before saying anything else. "Does the work there even touch what you feel when you're home? Do you miss it, I mean? Does it keep you up at night when you're sleeping next to Maru? Do you think the bones and pottery fragments ache for you when you aren't there, just hoping against hope that you'll dig them up and put them on display in a museum?"

Her hands hurt from where she was gripping the tile of the countertop. Her heart was aching and she just wanted to scream. "Stop it… You know I'm not happy, and you know why… But at least when I'm there, I don't ache like I'm a failure. I don't have to look into his eyes and see all that hope and love knowing I might never be able to find that happiness we had again."

She stood and embraced her cousin, feeling her begin to weep. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have gone that far…"

Kagome held her tighter and shook her head. "I wasn't playing fair either… I know you haven't ever been happy, no matter how successful you've been. You haven't been happy since the day before the Boston conservatory sent you that letter and Yash found it." She pulled back and then took Kaia's hand and sat back at the table with her. She managed a smile and met the green gaze with blue. "I'm pregnant…"

The words had just fallen out of her mouth. No lead up, just there. Do something with it. Kaia sat staring at her without words for a long while, but she grasped both of her cousin's hands. Finally, she could speak. "You can't be more than a couple weeks along."

"That's a really close guess," Kagome said, her eyes lighting slightly with mirth.

"He doesn't know, does he?" Kaia felt her chest tighten when Kagome shook her head. She let out her breath in a hiss. "That is rather lucky timing…"

"Luck didn't have anything to do with it," her cousin's eyes sharpened and Kagome shook her head. "I timed the visit so I would be here around the time I knew I'd be the most fertile… Even took a fertility test before I left my apartment for the airport. Kaia, please don't look at me like that."

"It isn't fair. You're not playing fair with him, Kagome… And the worst part is that he doesn't even realize he's being played. You're leaving in two weeks pregnant… Not telling him you're pregnant… Going thousands of miles away to god knows what kind of prenatal care doing work that is physically taxing when you know for damned sure overexertion and stress are risk factors for miscarriage…" Kagome scowled and pulled away, knowing Kaia wasn't anywhere near finished. "Three months was the longest, right? Three months, then… What? A jungle miscarriage and an emergency helicopter ride to the ER for a DNC? How many weeks do you actually need to make it to in order for this baby to survive a premature birth?"

"Thirty two weeks… But thirty four is best…" She rested her hand over her abdomen, fighting the urge to cry.

"So, if all of this goes as you plan, what? You call Maru from the hospital room in August and tell him his baby he didn't even know he had created with you is alive but in a preterm unit thousands of miles away?" She stood and fought back the sudden need to vomit. Kagome hadn't had to tell Maru the baby was dead. She hadn't had to catch him as he crumpled and sobbed into her arms for nearly half an hour before he could pull himself together and walk into the room to Kagome's hospital bed. She hadn't watched Yash beside himself trying to comfort his brother- trying to be strong for the strongest man he knew and respected more than he'd ever say. "And if you miscarry it, he'll never know, will he? You'll just send him an email to tell him you aren't ever coming home again… That you've found some guy in South America or some stupid other lie so he'll hate you."

"Damnit, stop!" Kaia turned and watched Kagome weeping into her hands, but she didn't care at the moment.

"I love you so much, Kagome. You have no idea how much I love you… Have always loved you and will always love you. I've supported all your choices… All the ones you've told me about, but you knew better than to tell me about this one until now, and if I'd not come back… Just replied to your letter, I'd never have known either. You can't keep things from me when I'm face to face… Looking into your eyes. I don't know how you do it with Maru…"

"I love him!" She almost screamed it, tearing her hands through her hair, standing and slapping Kaia before she knew what she was doing.

She didn't even gasp, she just held her cheek and met Kagome's gaze unflinchingly. "I love him, too, Kagome… And I won't lie for you. Not about this… Either you tell Maru you're pregnant, or I will."

"You… You can't," she began, looking at her hands, then at Kaia. "I… I'll tell him tomorrow, but… Kaia…"

"I won't tell him everything, Kagome, I promise," she said, answering her cousin's unspoken question. "But if you really love him the way you say you do, he deserves to know someday. Someday, when there's a child and the future you want with him, you need to tell him what you've endured… You owe him the chance to mourn for that baby the same way he did for the first."

She stretched her fingers gently over the ivory keys, caressing them before she even put any pressure on them to herald Christmas morning. Wicked glee danced in her eyes as she remembered slipping from Yash's fully unconscious and limp arms, slipping into her unworn pajamas, robe and bunny slippers only to leave their door open and open the door silently to Maru and Kagome's room. She let out a soft rush of air, then began a gentle, rich chord progression, moving into the song she'd written a few days before. No words yet graced the sheet music, but the melody she sang hauntingly and wordlessly. As she sang, the emotional previous night began to resurface in her mind, coloring her voice and playing with a raw sadness and pain. He watched her from the stairs and noted the shimmer of tears as she came to the last few bars. Yash walked to her quietly and reached out to brush away the tears just as she noticed his presence and looked up.

"That song is too beautiful for tears, Raine," he whispered and drew her into an achingly tender kiss, his heart skipping as she all but melted into his embrace. After a long moment, he pulled back and sighed, breathing her in. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," she breathed and glowed softly to him. "Coffee's brewed… Would you like one of your Christmas presents now before Kagome and Maru wake up?"

"I already have the best present right here," he murmured and kissed the crown of her head.

"I have one better…"

"Oh?" Yash raised a brow, gently tilting up her chin to look into her eyes.

"I sent my letter of resignation to the opera company last night… The process won't be finished until March when my contract is up, but I already have a job offer at the university for the fall…" He silenced her with a deep, passionate kiss, picking her up and sitting with her on the piano bench, clutching at her form as she clung to him.

He hadn't even started to consider what she'd already decided… He hadn't been able to allow himself to think beyond the next moment for the simple fear that it might not come. He'd wanted… Ached for a way to keep her at the end of the month. His heart tore at the thought of losing her and he had started to prepare himself to make a life altering choice. Now all he needed to do was make it until March and wouldn't need to abandon the dream he'd worked so hard for and wanted since he was a teenager. Slowly he released her mouth, panting and closing his eyes as he held her tight against his chest. She pressed her brow into the curve of his neck, her eyes half opened, welling with tears of joy.

He took her left hand and kissed her ring, capturing her gaze. "Marry me… When you move back for good in March, marry me…"

She wove her fingers with his and nodded, gazing up into his eyes, absolutely no hesitation in her heart. "The day after I step off the plane."

He'd held her close, smiling at the song sung and played at the piano below. He'd woken with the door being opened by a sneaky Kaia he fully intended to attack and poke when he went down for breakfast. As the song ended, he kissed Kagome until she woke. She smiled sleepily up at him, having spent most of the night either entwined with him or waking from nightmares she wouldn't talk about.

"Good morning, Babe," he murmured and she sighed, cuddling against him.

"I love you," she whispered, and he smiled, holding her tighter.

"I love you, too," he replied, sitting up and looking down at her with a warm smile. "Care to go down and see what the red clad fat man brought us this year?"

She glowed and took his hand, guiding it to rest over her womb deliberately. Her eyes were steady, but he could see the fear there. "I'm late… And the test came back positive," she trembled as his eyes shimmered and welled with tears. He leaned and gently moved his hand, kissing her belly, resting his head against her abdomen carefully. "Merry Christmas, Love…"

He pressed his eyes closed and wrapped his arms around her protectively. She felt his tears fall on her naked skin, and she ran her hands through his long hair as he rested silently against her for a long while before he spoke. "Don't go. Kagome, please… Just stay with me this time, Ok?"

Her heart felt like it had just been shattered. Her hands stilled in his hair and she felt tears well in her eyes. She'd known Kaia was right when she'd torn her down the night before, but she hadn't realized just how much she was hurting Maru until that moment. He'd never done anything wrong, but for years she'd been hurting him, leaving him, cutting him away from her for eleven months out of the year. How many other men would have dropped a woman who'd done the same? He never hid his feelings from her, but it hadn't really occurred to her how much and how deeply he loved her until that moment. "I'm not going anywhere…"

He nodded and continued to hold her, closing his eyes and relaxing at the gentle attention of her fingers in his hair. He was afraid… So damned afraid he couldn't think. Every time she left, every spring as he recovered from her departure, his heart ached with the same fear. It wasn't like he went through her things, but he hadn't ever seen her take any oral contraception. As far as he knew, a condom was the only thing that kept them from becoming parents, and they skipped protection at least a few times every visit. She'd never said anything until now about a pregnancy. Maru had no way of knowing whether she hadn't ever conceived again with him until now, or if she'd just hidden it in an attempt to protect him. He wouldn't know unless he asked, and he was too afraid of the answer and what it would mean for them no matter how she answered… If she hadn't ever been pregnant, she might think him suspicious or nosy or that she wasn't enough unless she could become pregnant. If she had and hadn't told him, he was afraid of the pain and what it would do to her watching him deal with it… He was afraid she'd turn away from him no matter what her answer would be, and he didn't know if he could survive that. All he wanted was to be with her. He wanted children with her, but he didn't care if they were theirs or adopted. He only wanted her to stay.

She knew she could stay if she didn't miscarry. She had all the data she needed to finish her doctorate and begin her professorship… She had enough two years before, but she was so afraid of coming back when all she had to give was herself. They never talked any more about what they wanted out of life- not since before her fall. All she had to go on was what he'd told her before, and so had drawn her worthiness and worth from those dreams forged years before when life had been kinder and simpler. But here he was… Begging her to stay. No… Begging for her to protect the child and not go back where she might lose it. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. _Thirty two weeks… We just need to hold on thirty two weeks, sweet baby, and then…_ He gently kissed her and she sighed softly into his mouth, relaxing fully as he tenderly wove their fingers together, pinning her to the bed. She felt her heart tremble and throb as he kissed along her throat.

"No matter what," he breathed into her ear, gently kissing the lobe. "You are all I've ever wanted. You're all I'll ever need."

She shuddered and kissed him deeply. "I love you, Maru… I love you no matter what…"

She gently pulled up the zipper on her little black dress and looked at herself in the mirror. Maru was working on his tie in the bedroom as she was finishing with her hair and makeup in the bathroom. She paused and let her hands wander over her abdomen and smiled softly to herself, saying a soft prayer that they would make it at least to her magic number of thirty two weeks. _And if we don't… If we don't…_ She looked at the ruby and platinum ring on her left hand finger. She remembered the look of pure joy in his eyes when she'd said yes in front of Kaia and Yash… How happy they'd been and how happy she'd been only a few hours earlier. She silenced her fears and ceased thinking of what she would do if she couldn't make it to that distant due date, gently resting her palms on the sink.

Maru looked at her reflection in the mirror. He was struck as always with how beautiful she was. Her dark hair was piled in curls on top of her head, her neck long and swanlike, the velvety fabric of her black dress resting low enough to show her collar bones and the beginning of her shoulders. He could also see the worry manifesting in her as tension holding her shoulders rigid, making soft lines in the corners of her closed eyes and one beginning in her brow. He moved behind her, abandoning his tie in favor of wrapping his arms around her and drawing her flush against him, caressing her throat and neck with one hand, holding at her abdomen with the other.

"No matter what, we're ok, Babe," he murmured and she nodded as he dipped his head slightly to kiss her chastely, trying valiantly not to smudge her makeup.

She looked up at him and gently rubbed the rosy lip gloss from his lower lip with a soft smile. "I know… I just don't want to see Kikyo or Oni, and I know they're both going to be there and will both be happy to deal out shit when Mom and Dad aren't in ear shot."

He scowled a bit. "So we'll just stay near your parents… Or I'll take Oni out back and beat the shit out of him," he chuckled when she smiled at him in the mirror wickedly. "Just keep yourself calm and with your feet up. This is supposed to be fun."

She nodded and sighed, leaning back into his arms gently. Shortly after, the four loaded up into Yash's mustang, the chocolate covered cherries safely stowed in the trunk with the family presents for the drive across town. Kagome leaned gently into Maru who wrapped his arm around her shoulders, kissing her temple. She looked up in the front where Yash was holding Kaia's hand with his right while drove with his left. The tension had left the both of them. She couldn't remember when she'd seen Yash so happy, and so had concluded Kaia had told him what her plan was to return and stay with him. In her heart, she was torn between rejoicing and worry. She couldn't begin to contemplate really being happy again until… _No… Focus on the moment… Don't think about it or you'll worry yourself sick._

The car pulled up in front of her childhood home and she felt herself tense a bit. She'd been back thousands of times since her fall, but the memory had become sharp again considering her current condition. Maru and Yash gathered the presents while Kaia carried the candies. She walked with her cousin to the door, beaming at the outpouring of joy from her parents as they embraced Kaia tightly, welcoming her home.

Her parents were good people. They had taken Kaia in and treated her like a daughter, not their niece. They'd delighted in her accomplishments to the same level they had with Kagome and Kikyo. It had always made Kagome happy and Kaia feel welcome, but Kagome knew that was the origin of Kikyo's anger toward them. She'd never confronted her about it. Even as twins, the girls hadn't ever been truly close. Kikyo was always this graceful, elvin creature kinesthetically gifted in dance or any sport she attempted. She was quick, well balanced and coordinated, but she never excelled academically. Where Kagome never could hope to be more than just slightly more than a complete klutz, often so lost in her own thoughts she'd trip over her own feet, Kikyo was diagnosed early with dyslexia and oral processing deficits. While Kagome had been admitted to college when she was just old enough to be entering the sixth grade, Kikyo needed to have tutors in all core subject areas just to ensure she was able to pass with mid-range grades. The sisters had loved each other deeply for their whole childhood, but their differences created a wide breach between them that was only widened when Kaia was welcomed into their home. While she wasn't a genius like Kagome, she was a virtuoso pianist and had been writing music since she was four years old. As she had grown up, her voice had become one of the sweetest and warmest most had ever heard untrained. Kaia had some difficulties with math, and for a time shared a tutor with Kikyo while she struggled with algebra and geometry. However, the bulk of the funding for Kaia had been directed to voice and piano lessons and for Kagome to attend university while Kikyo was given more tutors who only ever helped her scrape by.

Kagome wondered what might have been if some of the attention given to Kikyo had centered around her love for dance or gymnastics. Perhaps she would have felt as special as Kagome and Tstuta always had. Perhaps she wouldn't be so angry with them- hate them as much as she had for so long. Kikyo stood in the doorway of the kitchen with Oni standing behind her, watching as her parents welcomed the couples with equal ardor shown to them. She could tell they were happier, though, to see Kaia in that moment than they ever had seeing her. She frowned softly as she noticed the bands on Kaia and Yash's left hands- their poesy rings. She didn't have to think too long on what that had to mean.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she murmured as she walked back into the kitchen.

Oni followed her with a scowl. "Come on, Kiki… It's Christmas. Get through this, and we can go home."

"They're wearing the damned rings again," she just managed before Kaia and her mother entered with a box of homemade candy. She noted the irritated quirk of his lips and brow. How long had Oni worked on Yash to break it off with Kaia so she'd just go to the damned conservatory in Boston? How many attempts did it take to seduce Yash and then how lucky had she been that Kaia had come home at just the right time? Oni had made good use of the opportunity with the little diva, and Kikyo was sure that they'd put enough out there to break the two apart for good after the Thursday gaming session. She wanted to scream.

Instead, Oni took her hand and led her to the living room to sit and watch the Christmas movies her mother had put in for the evening. At least there, she would be somewhat distracted from what she might say to ruin the party. He knew her too well, and he hated it when she lost her temper. She was fickle and certainly no fun in bed after… But if he was careful, he'd get her home enflamed with unspoken words… And then he knew he'd have fun night. She was always more open to his desires when she was frustrated and needed to let off steam.

The night went remarkably well. The meal was delicious, and, with the exception of a rather silent Kikyo and Oni, conversation went on warmly and happily all evening. Near the end of dinner, two announcements were made that set Kikyo on edge enough that Oni had to reach down and grip her inner thigh near her crotch so hard she'd bruise badly just to keep her still.

First, Maru announced that he and Kagome were engaged to two rather pleased sets of parents. His father beamed and kissed Kagome's cheek, slapping his eldest on his back pridefully. Kikyo watched her mother tearfully hug her daughter and her father shake Maru's hand. The second announcement was what nearly sent her over the edge, though… Kaia warmly explained she'd be returning for good in March, and that Yash and she were planning to be married as soon as she was able to come back from Italy. Another round of hugs and handshakes were threatening Kikyo's sanity. She'd been so happy while Kagome and Kaia had been gone. She felt, for once in her life, she was enough for her parents and for Oni. Now they'd both be back and she'd fall into the shadows again.


	7. Chapter 7

Part Seven:

"You're cheating!"

"Oni…"

"She's fucking cheating, Maru, and you know it!"

"Oni."

"Where in the rules does it say that happens?"

"Damnit, Oni!" Yash felt his eyebrow twitching. Oni had been yelling at Kaia and Maru for almost twenty minutes about some asinine variant in the interpretation of a rule in how he could use his demonic powers. For a while, Yash just was willing to take it, but Kagome was starting to tense. She was laying on the couch with her head in Maru's lap and her feet in his. Kaia was sitting on a cushion in front of him between his legs, her head resting on his knees as she groaned in annoyance.

Oni leveled an angry gaze on Yash. "What?"

"You cheese the rules all the time when you're running. The only thing Raine did was interpret the rules about use of power so that you occasionally need to recharge your body…"

"Or I'll fall into 'itty-bitty demon bits'," he mocked her words cruelly. "Give me a fucking break!"

"Frankly, you're lucky Kaia even convinced me to allow you to play this character, Oni," Maru growled softly, caressing his lover's brow gently. She wasn't asleep, but her eyes were closed and those worrisome lines were forming again.

"Maru and I aren't going to let you be an omnipotent cluster fuck for the campaign, Oni. You've done it before, and the only person happy at the end is you… And maybe Kikyo because she gets off when you get off," Kaia said, smirking at the daggers Kikyo shot at her from her seat next to Oni. "You get to have some sort of weakness… And you're lucky I'm only requiring it to be an eight hour 'nap' to recharge… Or is what really bothered you the fact that I referred to your demon bits as itty bitty?" Kouga and Roku almost choked on pizza and beer respectively, though Maru and Yash were chuckling and she heard Kagome starting to giggle, some of her tension fading away at the sound. "Another 'you should know' moment, Kikyo? Did I get the timing right on that?"

She watched Oni and Kikyo turn red as the whole of the room began laughing uproariously. She just smirked and watched them squirm.

"You're just such a self righteous, spoiled little bitch…" Kikyo ground out. "Why couldn't you just have stayed in Italy and married some fat tenor and popped out ten kids by now?"

"That's rather petty, Kikyo," Kaia chided as the laughter died down.

"And what you said wasn't?" She felt her cheeks burning hot and she scowled. She hated Kaia with every breath and had since her cousin had come to live with her, stollen her twin and best friend, and coopted her parent's love. She stood and grabbed her bag. "I'm going home…"

"The game isn't finished," Ayame said, scowling at her friend's intemperance.

"I don't fucking care. Kill my character- whatever works for you, but I'm not coming back here," she turned back at the door, her eyes falling on an unmoving Oni, then on Kaia. "I hope to god your plane crashes into the ocean."

Kagome watched her sister slam the door through mostly closed eyes and sighed, scowling. She wished just for once that Kikyo could move beyond the perceived slight against herself. There was none there, just feelings born of her view of herself as dismally inadequate… And jealousy. She still remembered her sister's look at the top of the stairs. At least she wouldn't need to deal with Kikyo for a while… Half of her stress was gone. Oni seemed nailed to his seat, staring ruefully at Maru and Kaia.

"If I'm staying and passing up on going home with my girl, I'm definitely taking someone down tonight…" He growled and rolled the prescribed health roll for each hour he was to recharge, then waited while the other party members plotted against him.

Kaia looked at Kikyo's abandoned character sheet and sighed as she leaned back into Yash. She sighed and leaned into his hand when he reached to caress her cheek. If she had her wish, Kikyo would act like family… Not like she was a enemy. In lieu of that unlikely event, she'd settle for a little peace and quiet as they rang in the new year playing together.

She looked at the return ticket, her mouse hovering over the cancelation button. Three days, and she would need to either be on the plane, or call the dig site manager so he'd know she wasn't coming back. Maru thought she'd taken care of this already, but she hadn't been able to. She was afraid… Afraid that she did it and then the spell would be broken, and she'd miscarry again. She'd been so happy, and so had Maru. He'd even done more work toward completing his thesis in earnest now rather than just playing at working. She could see him determined to build a life with her, not hang in stasis. She'd almost been able to convince herself on several occasions that, even if the worst happened, she could stick it out and stay. She could stay and they'd be married and, eventually, things would work out the way they hoped. Still, when it came to the moment, she had to cancel her flight- when her thumb hovered over the dig manager's number, she froze and didn't follow through.

She sighed and closed her computer, then walked over to the couch to rest. She was asleep almost instantly, her body demanding rest of her recently in what she knew to be tell tale signs of pregnancy… She only had first hand experience of the beginning and middle… She ached to know what it felt like at the end- restless and anticipating the birth of their child.

He wasn't sure exactly how it all had started. He had backed his mustang into the backyard garage away from the street so he could put in the new break and gas pedals his father had bought for Christmas. At some point, Kaia had come and climbed in the back seat, poking her head over the driver's side to watch him, and now he was in the back with her, torn, oily work coverall barely clinging to his hips with his bare chest open to the cold of the winter's morning while he thrust deeper into his lover, watching her writhe, eyes half hooded in bliss, as she cried out his name.

He dipped his head and kissed her scarlet lips, wrapping his arms tightly around her to keep them both warm as she was currently topless and mostly bottomless on the leather of his back seat. He couldn't count the number of times they'd spent on the back seat. He was fairly sure his car had known more action than his bed… It startled him enough to interrupt his rhythm slightly as he realized the only person he'd ever been with in his car or his bed had been his Raine. He shuddered and kissed her again possessively, shifting just slightly to a better angle for her, gasping when she cried out sharply, spasming around him.

He'd had maybe two encounters in seven years… Both in hotel rooms as one night stands. He tried dating, but he couldn't bring himself to sleep with any of them. The anonymity is what counted in his mind, and he could go to a bar, take a few shots of liquid courage, and seduce a girl for the night… But he'd hated himself both after… The same way he had with Kikyo. They weren't his Raine.

He rested with his head against her breasts, panting softly as she caressed his back, her fingers sliding under his coveralls. He smirked a bit, nuzzling her softly. "We aren't really being all that careful… I might knock you up like Maru did Kagome…"

"Would it be a bad thing if you did?" He could hear amusement in her voice.

"Hell no," he said mirthfully, kissing her throat and moving to the side, clutching her tightly against him against the cold. "I just don't think you're costume designer would be too happy with me if you suddenly had to have your dresses let out several sizes. Ouch! What was that for?"

She smirked, removing her nailed finger from between his ribs. "If you send me back pregnant, they'll put my understudy on for me after my first trimester, if not earlier than that. Opera singing is like a marathon every night. Some singers burn thousands of calories and shed literally a pound of water weight if they're a staring role… Which I am."

Yash smiled thoughtfully and caressed her jaw, turning again so she was straddling atop him. "Would that mean you'd come home to me sooner?"

She laughed, feeling his hardness return against her thigh. She sat up slowly, embracing him deeply with a soft sigh, her eyes wistful and loving. "We can always hope…"

He shuddered, gripping her hips tightly as they hilted together fully. One hand moved to her abdomen and her blush deepened. "Then I hope we got lucky the first morning… I don't think anything would make me happier than watching you grow big with our baby."

Kaia glowed softly and leaned to kiss him, beginning a steady and slow rhythm, trying to count the times in just the last two weeks they'd found themselves lost in each other's arms, then trying to count the days until she could even make buying one of those damned pee-on-a-stick tests worth it. _Six days… I can postpone my flight another week… Just so we can find out together…_

When he'd come home, he'd found her asleep on the couch, and so covered her with a warm quilt before going to the kitchen to begin making dinner for the four of them. He smirked and diverted his eyes from the wide open garage, rather painfully glad it was in the backyard at the end of a long and winding driveway rather than in full view of the street. He plugged his phone into the speakers on the kitchen counter and used the music to mask the sounds coming from about fifty yards away in the garage.

He couldn't remember how many times he'd teased his younger brother about becoming a celibate priest in the seven years he'd been without Kaia. When they'd been together, they barely came up for air some days. He'd been surprised as hell that one torn condom between he and Kagome after months of ritually safe, protected sex, and she had ended up pregnant first. She'd even been on the pill. After doing the math, he realized the chances of something like that happening was less than one percent. He put it down to some deity he wasn't even sure he believe existed decided Kagome and he needed to be parents.

He smiled softly, but it was a guarded happiness and a tentative hope growing steadily in his heart. He remembered walking into the hospital and looking into Kaia's eyes when she told him tearfully what had happened. He couldn't stop looking at the blood stain on the hem of her shirt and the revenant traces of red on her hands, as if she had forgotten to wash after two hours trying to comfort Kagome while she was forced to give birth to their dead daughter. Before he'd gone to her, once he'd gathered himself enough he could stand, he asked if he could see the tiny child they'd lost. They'd recommended against it. The trauma had damaged the child's features so badly. He begged them to let him hold her, at least. He learned later it went against nearly all protocol, but they allowed him to hold the lifeless bundle, her face and body entirely veiled in a sheet. It took every shred of his sanity and strength to pull himself together enough to be strong for Kagome as she healed.

It had been like one of Oni and Kikyo's cruel, thoughtless jokes they were still laughing about. It was part of the reason why his tenuous belief in a deity had been torn asunder. The universe was too chaotic and cruel to be ruled by a kind and omnipotent god… If anything ruled the universe, it was a cruel and sadistic god that took pleasure in watching its creations writhe in agony after tearing away any shred of happiness it gave them glimpse of.

At first, he thought the whimpering moans were from the garage, but when he looked up to turn the volume on his speakers, he saw Kaia and Yash putting on final articles of clothing before coming inside to help with dinner. He turned off the music and then rushed into the living room when he heard Kagome cry out. His nose was assaulted with the metallic scent of blood. At first, he was in shock looking at her laying on the couch in a knot, blood pooling onto the cushions, her eyes transfixed on a red-soaked hand. It had only been a few seconds, and he was next to her, grabbing a pillow and cursing as he thrust it between her legs to keep pressure there, capturing her gaze as steadily as he could.

"You're ok… You're ok…" He whispered, then roared at Yash and Kaia to call an ambulance. Time began to move in choppy sections. He wouldn't leave her side, barely able to comply with the orders of EMTs and doctors and nurses as they worked to stop the bleeding. It was more than obvious that she'd miscarried, but that didn't account for the hemorrhaging. At some point, he was pulled by force out of her room so they could work. He'd nearly decked one of the security guards before Yash had caught his arm and Kaia stepped in front of him, her slender hands pushing back on his chest.

"Maru… Maru, calm down… They're doing what they can," her voice was laden with tears. It was enough for the elder brother in him to look down and take her by the shoulders, then embrace her as he worked against himself to find some sort of calm.

"I'm sorry, gentlemen…" Yash said softly to the security officers who seemed accepting. He didn't doubt they'd seen something similar before. He sighed and looked to his brother who was now sitting and holding his lover's hand, his eyes distant and lost. He sat on the other side of Kaia, putting a hand on her thigh as they waited for some sort of news.

Half an hour later, a doctor entered the waiting room and walked slowly to them, sitting in a chair across from them. He began talking about Kagome's condition in medical terms, explaining that it would be best for her if she had a procedure to ensure she never conceived again. Maru looked at his hands and shuddered softly, utterly lost.

"What caused it? Her last miscarriage was over seven years ago," Maru said softly, meeting the doctor's gaze. He saw the confusion and worry. "What is it you aren't saying?"

"The damage from the first is not the only damage on her uterus. She had to have miscarried at some other point in the last year. She bled so heavily this time we think because of some sort of fertility supplement she'd said she'd bought and taken recently in South America. Who knows what they cut it with, honestly… Look… The three of you are the only ones she's given full access to her medical information to, so I am going to be really honest with you… You need to convince her not to try to do what her body can't. She could easily produce enough viable eggs for a thousand babies, but there's no way for her to carry them to term. The next time, it could kill her."

"Can I see her?" His voice sounded hollow to him. He stood when the doctor nodded and walked with purpose to where the room that had been identified as hers.

She looked so small in the hospital bed. He remembered thinking that when they'd lost their daughter. She just looked like something had been cut out of her so she'd collapsed in on herself. He sat beside her on the bed and took her hand, waiting for her to look at him. When she finally did, he trembled and felt a few tears fall onto his cheeks. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Kagome flinched and felt her chest and throat tighten painfully. "I couldn't put you through it again… Not when I was so far away."

"When?" He wished he hadn't asked the question as soon as it left his lips and that broken look in her eyes fissured even more.

"Last year, mid-March," she whispered, drawing her knees up to her chest as she released his hand. "Please go."

"I'm not going," he breathed raggedly.

"Go."

Her voice was sharp and loud enough for Kaia and Yash to ear it where they waited outside pressed against the open door. Yash held Kaia tightly against his chest as he felt her legs buckle at the tone of Kagome's voice.

"Why are you pushing me away?" There was so much pain, and he couldn't understand why she wouldn't let him share it with her. "I love you. I've loved you so long I don't know how I'd even begin to build my life without you."

"I've given you seven years with me gone for all but one month… You've had time, and you've made a life that is sustaining without me…"

"I'm fucking miserable without you!" She felt her heart break, but she wouldn't look at him.

"I didn't cancel my flight," she felt the bed shift as he stood. "I'll send my mom for my things… The doctor is going to release me in the morning and I'll be able to travel in a few days. I'm not coming back." She fumbled a bit trying to remove her engagement ring.

"No," his voice was a whisper. "It's yours. I don't want it back. Sell it, but don't give it back… You've already done the cruelest thing you can do to me. Take some pity on me, if you even love me a little bit."

She heard him turn to go, but by the time she could look, all she saw was him turning the corner, rushing down the hall. Kaia and Yash began to take a step inside and she put out her hand to stop them. "Go to him. Please. My mom will be here in about ten minutes, but he shouldn't be alone right now."

"Kagome," her voice sounded so far away. "I know you think you've done enough to make him hate you, but you haven't… You literally can't. He'd love you even if you were thrusting a sword through his heart…"

"Kaia… Please… I don't want to hurt him anymore."

She pressed her eyes closed, leaning slightly into Yash's hands where he gripped her shoulders. "Everything about this is so wrong," she heard Kagome sob and watched helplessly as her cousin cried. She moved to her and hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek. "I love you… And so does he and so does Yash… I wish you wouldn't give up so easily… But that is your choice in the end."

Kagome shook her head and covered her face with her hands as Kaia pulled back, taking Yash's hand. Kagome watched them go once they had turned, then curled back into the hospital bed, drained utterly. In her mind, she began gathering the fissures of her life she still had worth salvaging and promised herself she'd never let anyone as close as he had been… That part of her soul would always be his.

When they'd found him, Maru was sitting on the pavement in the gutter, his head in his hands. Yash frowned, seeing a single cigarette held between his brother's fingers. Maru had quit over a decade earlier when he'd secretly started dating Kagome. He'd watched Kaia sit beside his brother, then ran toward his car parked in the visitor's lot.

She tore the cigarette away from Maru and smashed it into the pavement under her heel, ignoring his growl. "Try a bullet. It's faster and won't make your clothes smell like ashes and sewer."

He scowled and looked at her with a pained expression. "Did you know?"

Kaia sighed and looked at her hands. "She told me a couple of weeks ago about the other miscarriage… Then she told me she was pregnant, but she didn't plan to tell you until she knew if she could carry it to term… I told her it wasn't fucking fair to you… That she had to tell you this time or I would… For what it's worth."

He took her hand and grasped it tightly, fighting off tears. "I wouldn't have cared if… I don't care that we won't… It doesn't matter as much as just having her with me. I know we could be happy again if she'd just let us try for more than a month every year."

She felt her heart skip and a few tears fall. "For what it's worth… I told her that, too. I think she wanted a baby so badly with you… It didn't matter how you might define happiness with her… Missing that essential piece made her feel like she was worthless."

"She's never been worthless," his eyes fell on the broken cigarette and he wished to hell he'd finished the bummed cancer stick before they'd caught up to him. His hands wouldn't stop shaking.

Yash pulled near them and took Kaia's hand once she was buckled in beside him. He stopped once at a liquor store and bought a rather expensive bottle of his brother's favorite rum, then drove them home. The nonverbal exchange between himself and his lover was the understanding that she would be the sober one while he and his brother drank all night. Once he had Maru in the house, avoiding the living room while Kaia began cleaning up the blood, he led him to the study after pulling two tumblers from the kitchen cabinet. After the first four shots, Kaia forced them both to drink at least two glasses of water before they continued, playing water fairy until the bottle was empty only an hour and a half later. She sighed and guided first Yash, then Maru to their respective showers, barely making it with Maru before he vomited. She sighed and turned on the water to rinse the shower and Maru, helping him out of his shirt and pants, leaving only his boxers while she went and tended her equally inebriated lover.

"Mmm… You're pretty," he mumbled, groping her breast. "Pretty and mine…"

"And you're pretty drunk, Love… Come on… I can't lift you by myself. You need to help me out here…" She grumbled as she tried to help him out of his pants.

"Gonna molest me?" He waggled his eyebrows at her and she sighed, leaning and kissing him deeply. He whimpered when she pulled away.

"I fully intend to molest you when you're sober… I even hope to violate you, but right now you're drunk, and I'm still working… I'm still cleaning downstairs." This seemed to sober him as she turned on the shower. She met his sad eyes and reached out to brush his hair out of his face. "I'll be back in a bit. Don't drown."

He nodded and said something he probably intended to be witty, but it just came out garbled by the water and alcohol. She walked down the stairs and looked with a heavy heart at the cushions and blanket. She'd managed to scrub out the blood from the carpet, but she wasn't sure what to do with the rest. In surrender, she tearfully bagged up anything even remotely stained with blood and put it on the back porch. She'd deal with it in the morning.

She walked to the kitchen and began to pour herself a mug of coffee, then thought better of it and made herself herbal tea before checking again on Maru and Yash, guiding both men to their beds once they'd emptied their stomachs again and she'd forced more water down their throats. She kissed Maru's brow as he curled around Kagome's pillow, then went to join Yash.

One hand rested on her abdomen as she considered the next week and months. They'd been together every day and night multiple times for nearly a week and a half. She hadn't been on contraceptives in over half a decade, and they'd never stopped in their reverie to grab protection. Her eyes welled with tears at the prospect. She might well be pregnant, but what about Maru and Kagome?

Kaia let out her breath in a staggering rush, crying silently as she curled against her still very drunk lover. She drifted off into a fitful sleep, her mind torn with the realization that the home she'd come back to was falling to pieces before her eyes.


	8. Chapter 8

Part Eight:

There was a new couch in the living room. Kaia hadn't asked permission, she'd just asked Yash to drive her to the nearest furniture store, and had bought something that worked in the room, then called Roku and Shippo to help get the old one and the stained cushions out onto the curb for a special pick up by the dump the following day. She'd managed to get everything finished before he'd stumbled down the stairs into the kitchen. Yash was sitting quietly at the table over a mug of coffee with sunglasses on in a dim room.

"You look like a damned vampire with those things on inside," he ground out and Yash smirked at him. He poured himself some coffee and then sat across from his brother. "Where's Kaia?"

"Took my car to the hospital, I think," he sighed as Maru closed his eyes and looked away. "It's already afternoon. Kagome should be released pretty soon, and I think she wanted to catch her."

"I doubt she'll change her mind."

"If she could, would you want her to?" He attempted to gauge his brother's feelings, but he came up short. Maru didn't even seem like he was present in the room aside from his body.

It took a moment longer than he'd liked to even process the question and one more than that to discern his answer. His chest was tight and heavy at once. She'd pushed him away so violently, with such certainty, he was certain she'd been thinking it through a while. He knew she had to have been. He knew the miscarriage last year had made her begin to think about what she wanted, and so she must have planned the attempt at conception to assess if she could have children. Even that wasn't what hurt him the most. It was evidence of her desperation, her need to be what she thought he wanted. What was killing him came down to the fact that she had shut him out completely while she was obviously hurting even more than him. She didn't trust him or want him to be strong for her, and he'd always believed they had an equal partnership. "I'm always going to want her… But she's made it plain she doesn't want me anymore. I can't make her happy, and she wants me out of her life."

Yash scowled and took off his glasses. He studied his brother for a few moments, wondering how in the hell Raine could read the stoic, placid expressions so clearly and could always know with certainty exactly what Maru was feeling. Then again, there were times when he just understood Kagome's little bursts of insanity far better than Raine ever could. "I don't think you're reading the situation as well as you think you are… I don't think she is, either. You remember when we first moved in together? Raine and I were all over each other… More so than we are now, though it's incredible to me that it's even possible," he smirked at his brothers small smile and continued. "You sat me down and was my big brother for once. You told me that we didn't talk enough, Raine and me. You said someday there were would come a time when the only thing we'd have between us were words, so we needed to get better at talking to each other. I listened to you then, so please listen to me now… All these years she's been coming back to you, it hasn't mattered how much time you've spent together and talked about nothing. You've been drifting apart in front of me, but I haven't known what to do to stop it. Until now, I wasn't sure if it was even my place to say anything at all."

"It may be too late to tell her what she needs to know," his words were soft as he processed his brother's sentiments. He knew he was right, he just felt like the battle Yash wanted him to fight was over.

"You won't know that if you sit here and feel sorry for yourself," he saw his brother's jaw twitch and felt the slightest sense of victory. _Good. You're not as broken as you might want to think…_

She stood in the doorway of Kagome's hospital room and watched as she sat looking out the window. She was fully dressed and probably waiting for her mother or the doctor or both to release her. Kaia swallowed hard and sat with her back to her cousin on the other side of the bed.

"I wondered when you'd come back," Kagome had known her cousin would come and try to convince her to back down and stay. She knew Kaia too well to think she'd give up in a fight over love. Kagome was ready, though. She'd been hardening herself all morning. "Say what you need to say."

Her stomach tightened in a knot. She knew that tone and she didn't like it one bit. "If you aren't going to listen to me, it's not worth it…" She stilled when she felt Kagome reach behind her and take her hand. She still had her back turned, but she knew her cousin would listen. "I'm not here to tell you anything you already know. You know Maru loves you no matter what. You know he wants you to stay. Somehow you've convinced yourself what he wants doesn't matter and that your need to martyr yourself for him and let him go trumps any happiness the two of you could find together without children. I think you're being a stubborn, selfish bitch, but you already know all of that, so me arguing why you're wrong won't do very much to change your mind… So let me tell you something you don't know," she centered herself, one hand gently resting over her abdomen. "Unofficially, there's a very good chance I'm going back to Italy pregnant… I say unofficially because, even if I'm not right now, Yash and I want it and are continuing to work toward that end," she felt Kagome's hand tighten around hers and she felt her heart skip. "The doctor said last night that, according to your medical history… The problem isn't that you can't create life, it's that you can't carry it to term. That isn't a problem you were born with; it is something that occurred due to trauma, so it seems to me that there's a really simple solution to the problem."

Kagome trembled, her heart both overjoyed for Yash and Kaia and overwhelmed with waves of agony from her loss and her choice to walk away. When she spoke, she knew Kaia could hear the tears she was shedding. "What do you think this really simple solution is?"

"Let me carry Maru and your children," she said softly and heard Kagome sob. "I love you both. Yash and I love you both, and we want the four of us to be a family again. Even if you weren't so stupidly rushing toward self destruction right now, I'd be offering this to the both of you. I've been thinking it through since that first big conversation at the cafe, and I know it's what I want… Even if you have convinced yourself you don't anymore."

"I… I pushed him away," she breathed, feeling her heart break a little more. She'd considered a surrogate, but she didn't know if Maru would have agreed. Now Kaia was offering herself up with love and hope, and she wasn't sure if she could take the offer. She didn't know if Maru could even forgive her enough to take her back. "I need to think, Kaia. I don't know how to ask him to forgive me… If he can even forgive me for what I did. Maybe it's just best… If I went back and see where he stands… What he does."

She sighed and turned to hug Kagome from behind. "Whatever you choose, know I love you… And I'm cheering for you to be happy… And for Maru to be happy. And nothing you say to me will convince me that happiness for the both of you doesn't involve you being together."

It was Thursday. Game night. She knew they had to be playing, but she needed to collect her bags before her plane left the following afternoon. Her mother had said she would come and gather everything, but she wanted to say goodbye. Part of her was hoping for a minor miracle. She had tried to reflect on Maru's words before she'd thrown him out of her hospital room. He was hurt and upset, and that was all she'd managed to process. He hadn't wanted to leave, but he'd wanted to talk, and then she'd dug in her talons deeper until he left her there alone. She wasn't foolish enough to miss how much it had taken, but she wondered if he would have actually found a way to forgive her after knowing everything. She needed to know, and hoped this last goodbye might answer her questions.

As she approached the door, she could hear an argument beginning between Yash and Oni. Nothing out of the norm, but it had been sudden, starting only when she was a few feet from the door. It was also loud enough she could hear what was happening once she reached the threshold.

"Say that again, you fucking asshole! Say it one more time so I have a reason to break your goddamned nose!"

"Why the hell do you have a problem," Oni sounded beyond pissed. "He's your brother, and you should be on his side!"

She paused at first, afraid to knock on the door. Her fear welled at what might be talking about. She was about to turn on her heel when his voice stopped her. "Did you come for your things?"

Kagome turned to see Maru leaning against the house, flicking ashes from his cigarette into the damp grass. She hadn't seen him smoke in over a decade. "I… Yes. And to say goodbye," she twisted the ruby ring on her left hand, not certain if he'd seen her still wearing it. "When… When did you start smoking again?"

Maru looked down and then took one last slow drag before stamping the last bit of embers and filter out onto the sidewalk. He stood and walked to the door, barely looking at her as he opened it. "Don't be stupid," his tone was distant and cold. "Kaia… Will be glad to see you."

She paused at the door he left open after walking to the dining room table littered with pizza boxes, beer and hard alcohol. Kagome watched with a sinking heart as he poured straight whiskey into a tumbler half full before returning to the living room. She heard him say something softly as she stepped into the house and smiled sadly as her cousin moved quickly to take her hand, hugging her as she closed the door.

"He… He is taking this harder than I thought," she breathed into Kaia's hair and felt her cousin tense.

When she pulled away, Kagome could see she'd been crying rather recently. She brushed at her eyes absently and shook her head. "You know better than that, Kagome. You knew better."

Yash leaned in the doorway watching the two only partially. Raine had warned him that Kagome would be coming by, and he'd been foolish enough to mention it within Oni's earshot. He'd wanted to break the prick's nose a few times over Raine and the antics he'd pulled even after they'd decided to try again. After he started to talk shit about Kagome, Yash wanted to do more than just break Oni's nose. Maru had bummed a few cigarettes off Kouga after taking a few large shots from the make shift bar on the dining room table, then gone out into the back yard. The game had dissolved at that, but Oni wouldn't quit. Fifteen minutes after Maru had made his exit, Yash couldn't take anymore and they'd started to yell… And Raine had started to cry. It hadn't made it any better.

"We better get you packed, then," Kaia said softly, brushing a bit of Kagome's hair back behind her ear. She gently pulled her up the stairs, but Kagome looked down onto Maru. He glanced up at her as he was putting down the tumbler. When their eyes crashed, harmonizing in agony and regret, she felt like her heart was being torn out and squeezed. She shuddered when he looked away sharply and picked up his glass again, filling it once more.

"I've never seen him drink like that…"

"You didn't see him a few nights ago with Yash," Kagome frowned and Kaia shrugged. "It wasn't the first time I've had to play water fairy to those brothers… Both times, you were in the hospital. Yash promised to stay sober enough tonight so I wouldn't need to drag Maru to bed by myself."

She sat hard on the edge of the bed, feeling as if her legs were going to give out beneath her. She twisted her ring on her finger and felt herself begin to cry. It wasn't the first time that day, nor would it be the last. "I don't think I could have fucked up more if I'd tried."

"You did try, or wasn't that what happened?" Both girls looked up sharply at the sound of Oni's voice. He was leaning in the door, his eyes angry and malicious. "You know what pisses me off more than anything else about this fucked up situation? Maru is my oldest friend, and until you came into his life… Miss perfect genius he couldn't get out of his mind from the moment he saw you… We used to run campus together. We'd drink and smoke whatever we could find and sleep with whoever we wanted. I don't think he had a real girlfriend until you came along, then he went celibate for three years until you were out of your parents' house," Oni swirled the whiskey gently in his glass, letting the ice cubes clink a bit, but his eyes never left them. As he drained the glass, he never looked away, setting their hairs on edge. "Maybe I should thank you, though… You hurt him so badly, I think I am beginning to see glimmers of my old friend coming back to the surface. So as much as I hate you for how much you hurt him, I guess I should thank you for being such a worthless little cunt."

Oni was jerked out of the door jam, his glass shattering on the floor with a crash. He was against the wall, Maru's arm pressed into his throat so he couldn't breathe. What was most startling were his old friend's eyes. It was like he'd never met the man before him. It was like his old friend was some figment he'd made up and this devastated shell of a person, so ferociously protective of a woman who'd done more damage to him in one month than life had in thirty two years was the only Maru who had ever existed. "Maru, don't! Let him go!" Their voices echoed in Oni's ears as he felt himself dropped to the floor just as the room was going black.

"What the hell, Maru?" Yash's voice sounded distant and confused, but no more than Oni was in that moment.

"I want you out," his voice sounded ragged and torn. "You and Kikyo aren't welcome here ever again. I'm sick of your shit, and I don't care if Kagome goes for good… You don't have any right to use that word to describe her. What almost was between her and I means more to me than our friendship ever could since it seems you know me so little, Oni."

He stared up at Maru dumbfounded and stood shakily. His eyes fell on Kagome and Kaia in the doorway behind where Maru stood and he growled. "Sure. I'll get out. But it doesn't change what they are… A cunt and a whore-"

Yash stood with Oni half concious on the floor. He flexed his hand softly. It ached, but he knew he'd probably broken his jaw. "Ok… Yeah… That feels a little better now…"

"Yash!" Raine called to him and he looked at her with a little smile as she moved to him quickly, checking his hand before punching him in the shoulder hard enough to make him wince. "You might have broken his jaw! What the hell?"

"I got tired of it, Raine," he replied, gently caressing her jaw. "It's been too much for all of us, and he's too caught up in his own self interest to see how much we're hurting."

"They're just words," she managed, tears welling in her eyes.

He looked up and watched Maru turn and stare at Kagome. He looked so vacant and cold, but Yash knew what the cigarettes and hard drinking really meant. If Yash had been willing to let him out of his sight for the evening, who knows what means for deadening his pain Maru would have come home filling his pockets. "They're more than words. They're sledgehammers to already crumbling support beams in a house that's threatening to collapse…" He whispered, pulling her tightly against him, breathing her in. "Kouga, Roku!" He called down the stairs. He'd asked them to wait when he'd seen Maru ascend after Oni. When they reached the threshold, he nodded to Oni who was waking up, groaning and holding his jaw. "Take him to the hospital. I don't think he'll be talking for a while."

"Shit! Yash, what if he presses charges?" Roku asked, feeling a bit let down that he hadn't swung the blow.

Yash met Oni's furious gaze steadily. "He won't… Because I'll just come after him and break it again and again and again until he learns to keep his damned mouth shut," he held Raine tighter when she trembled, feeling a surge of victory when Oni looked down and nodded understanding, still holding his jaw.

Kagome watched as Roku and Kouga all but carried Oni down the stairs and to Roku's car. San and Ayame would probably follow in Kouga's car and she knew the two men would come up with a cover story for Yash that Oni could agree to. They'd communicate it to Shippo and Yash in turn. They'd always taken care of each other- the little gaming group meshed together by the half brothers. Oni was the only one who never really fit in. He'd always been like a shadow- a ghost from Maru's past that her lover couldn't let go of… Until now.

"We'll be downstairs… Say goodbye before you go," Yash said softly, descending the stairs with his arm around her cousin's waist.

She looked back to Maru who was staring down at the broken glass near her feet. "I shouldn't have come… I should have waited until tomorrow or just come earlier before everyone showed up. I just hoped… To be able to say goodbye when everyone was playing and enjoying themselves. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I'd misjudged…"

His kiss was deep and possessive, his arms like steel around her waist and back. She hadn't expected his sudden movement toward her and had been shocked into stillness when his mouth had captured hers. He tasted of whiskey and ashes at first, then it was just him invading her senses as always. Invading her soul. It took him more than just a few moments to pull back, only doing so once she'd begun to respond, to press against him and return his depth. For a moment, he let himself forget all the anguish of the last few days. He let himself stop battling his need for her and just allowed himself once more to feel that shimmer of happiness that could have been… Before she vanished from his life forever.

When he finally could draw back, he spoke against her lips, closing his eyes and resting his brow against hers. "Oni was right… I've never been the same person since I first saw you. I hated myself until you looked at me, saw me… Or who I could have been if I just tried. You made me want to be that man you saw. It took me three years of growing up and waiting for you to realize I liked myself so much more when I lived closer to my potential," he released her and took a step back so there was space between them again. "I promise I'm not regressing. Even without you here, I know I'm a better man than I was. If I'm lucky, someday I'll find someone I can make happy the way I made you happy once."

She wanted to say something to him in that small space of seconds before he turned and went to get the broom to clean up Oni's shattered glass. She wanted to say it even more as she packed and watched him clean up the shards littering the threshold between the hall and his room. As she had said her goodbyes to Kaia, Yash, and Shippo, seeing him sprawled on the new couch in the living room, she'd ached to make the words sound and real in his ears, but she wasn't ready to say them. She couldn't say them until she knew they were absolutely what lived in her heart.

As she said her final goodbye, Maru watched her out of the corner of his eye. She was looking at him with that painful expression as if she was trapped between actions, frozen in indecision. _Good. Let her feel it for once… Like I've been feeling it for seven years._ He surprised himself with his spiteful thoughts, standing too late as the door closed.

Kaia turned her eyes on him and captured his gaze. "Go after her. You know you want to go after her, so do it before she drives off."

He scowled and looked at the floor. "I can't. She made clear what she wants."

He heard her advancing on him and grunted when she jabbed two sharp fingertips into his sternum, capturing his attention as the sound of the car starting up outside touched her ears. "I don't think what she wants is clear at all to her, Maru."

"Did she say as much to you?"

"No, she didn't say anything," she replied with the fire of her frustration with the situation lacing every word. "But she was still wearing your engagement ring."

He watched from the open door as she rounded the corner in her mother's car. What would he have said if he'd made it to stop her departure? What could he have said to make it right between them? _There's nothing I can do or say. She wants to go._


	9. Chapter 9

Part Nine:

Her sleep had been fitful all night, tossing and turning with dreams of seeing Maru happy with other faceless women, cradling nameless infants that should have been hers. He couldn't see her or hear her. It was like she'd never been in his life in the first place. Finally, somewhere around six, she'd gotten out of bed, showered, and dressed. She'd made a silent breakfast of New Years leftovers and coffee, then sat staring out the window into the street without eating a bite.

The dreams should have made her happy… Happy if that was what she really wanted for him. She knew she wanted Maru to have a happy and full life, but the thought of the one he shared that life with being anyone other than herself felt like a knife to her stomach. She pressed her eyes closed and fought back her tears. It had taken her seven years to convince herself this was the right path, and now she couldn't think straight. The very thought of leaving him felt like cutting off her arm and leaving it behind.

 _Oh, goddamnit, Kagome! If he had wanted you to stay, he would have asked you to stay…_ She couldn't silence her rebel thoughts, though. No matter her logic, no matter the force of her attempts, the same thoughts arose: _he hated himself until you came along… Was destroying himself until he met you… And now he wants to live a life he can be proud of, not because he'd be living it for you, but because he'd be living it for himself…_ But it wasn't enough. He'd assured her he would move on… He wanted to move on. _He wanted…_

It only occurred to her now that what he wanted was only half of her picture. _What do I want? What will make me happy?_ Every time she entertained the thoughts, she felt like she was betraying him by being selfish… So she'd tried to be selfless and thrown herself onto the jagged rocks, nearly destroying herself to make what he wanted and what would make him happy a reality. _When all he really wanted… Was me._

She threw away the uneaten food and poured the coffee into the drain. She watched the dark liquid stain the white enamel of the sink before she turned on the water to wash it away, as if attempting to wash the truth she'd unearthed in her heart away, but it was more a part of her soul than a surface stain. It was the dye that stained the fabric a deep cardinal crimson never to be washed out. _The bandana…_ She'd stored the memory away like a snap shot of something perfect.

Walking into her first class at the university, anticipating she'd be the only one for at least another twenty minutes, and there he was… Dark hair braided down to his waist as he sat across the lecture hall wearing that damned leather jacket and a white shirt buttoned down a bit too low for her innocent fourteen year old eyes, his feet adorned in black combat boots propped on the back of the seat in front of him. His left hand was shading his eyes in the rather dimly lit room, and on his wrist was wrapped a red and white bandana like he was bandaging a wound he didn't want anyone to notice, so he made the place as noticeable as possible. She'd thought she'd been quiet until he dropped his hand and his exhausted brown-gold eyes crashed into her azure gaze.

"A kid taking a graduate level history course?" His lips had quirked and she'd felt her heart flutter. "Maybe I should find a slower class if I'm going to share this one with a genius."

"No- I mean," she had felt a blush take her cheeks and she shook her head, then smiled to him. "Please don't tease me…"

There was so much softness in his eyes. She'd been teased all her life for her intelligence, but she knew instinctively he never would hurt her. There was just something in the way he smiled. "Don't worry… I might copy your answers, but I won't tease you."

When she thought back to that moment, she wondered if she'd loved him then, or if she'd come into the world loving him… Just waiting to find her way into his arms.

The real problem with being drunk and making important decisions drunk is that, too often, it feels like becoming more drunk is the answer… Which is why he had stopped drinking whiskey straight many years before. He could count the number of times on one hand in the last decade when he'd actually become so drunk, the pain inside him actually deadened momentarily. The first time had been when Kagome had been hospitalized after her fall and losing their baby. Yash and Kaia had taken him home to sleep, and he'd insisted he split a bottle of rum with Yash. He'd woken the next morning with a horrible hangover mostly naked with damp hair in his bed. The same had happened only a handful of days before, and he had wondered absently just how Kaia, standing six inches shorter than him, had carried and coerced him up the stairs both times and into the shower. Maybe he'd just responded instinctually to her voice… He trusted her instinctually the way he loved Kagome instinctually- as if the connection was woven into his soul.

Now the pint sized carbon copy of his lover was sitting on the arm of his brother's chair, staring daggers at him as he polished off another pair of shots. He'd emptied the whiskey bottle with the help of Shippo before he'd called a cab. Now he'd moved on to the expensive bottle of rum his father had given him for Christmas. It was meant to last the year. It would be lucky if it made until the following evening at the rate he'd been drinking.

The sun was rising, and she'd had enough. Kaia stood and grabbed the bottle from him, slapping his hand away when he reached for it. "No, damnit. You've had enough…"

"Cork it an hide if it y'want… I'll just find it…"

She just… Had that look in her eyes. The one she got when he later wished he'd just kept his mouth shut rather than riling her further. He watched her walk with the open bottle of three hundred and fifty dollar, thirty year Jamaican rum to the kitchen and groaned as he heard it splashing down the sink. "Fuck…"

Yash smirked and shook his head. "Why the hell are you still drinking? You're never going to sober up enough to go and talk to Kagome…"

"You 'sume I want to," he grumbled, growling softly at Kaia as she returned to her perch.

"Growl at me again, and I'm going to go and find that half pack of cigarettes Kouga palmed to you when the pizza got here and flush them all down the toilet," her voice was soft but intense. Her gaze became placid when he scowled. "Fine," Yash tensed beside her. He knew very well to duck and cover when his lover used the four letter F-word. "You're drunk and pissed and hurt. I get it. You won't hear me because your brain is too foggy to even process the fact that you haven't lost her yet. But I think you should know something… Something I promised to my cousin at the hospital. I told her… If she wanted me to, I'd be her surrogate… When she was ready," his eyes flashed as if suddenly sober. She twined her fingers with Yash's, but didn't look down to him. "I'm even going to pay for the procedure. God knows, I have the income to do it… And I know, if given the choice, she'd want it to be yours. But," she stood, kissing Yash's hand before letting it go. "It doesn't need to be yours for me to follow through with my promise."

She could feel the heat of his gaze on her back as she kissed her lover deeply before walking to the stairs. She didn't meet his gaze when she spoke, "I love you more than I have words for, big brother… I always have and aways will," as she began to ascend the stairs, she called down to the both of them. "Her flight is at two tomorrow… She'll need to be at the airport by noon."

He met his brother's gaze as a surge rushed through his chest. "Yash, is there any of your coffee left?"

Almost a full pot of his brother's disgustingly strong coffee, countless glasses of water, several extra strength pain killers, and three ice cold showers later, and he felt steady enough to ride his motorcycle to the airport. Yash and Kaia had offered to drive with him there, but he wanted to go alone. He needed the time to collect his thoughts, to know what he needed to say in order to make her stay. Maru knew how much pain she'd endured. He needed to make sure she knew he understood, that he didn't care if they never had children. Even if Kaia hadn't made her more than generous offer, all he wanted was her in his life. He wanted her to be as much his life as she had been before she'd gone to South America.

But he knew somewhere deep down that it wasn't the only thing she needed from him. There was something else that was cutting him deeply about the whole situation. _That look in her eyes when I confronted her about the miscarriage… I shouldn't have let myself become so angry. I knew what she was feeling in that moment. I know it was just as horrific as what I felt, but it was like she couldn't trust me to be strong. It was like she'd lost all faith in me._

His heart lurched remembering his reactions. _I was so weak. I was just so weak and pitiful. So unsure… No wonder she pushed me away._ She had needed him to be strong, the way he'd always been strong, and he had failed her. _But how is that fair to me? How is that fair at all?_ He nearly had to pull over to keep himself from swerving and toppling over. _It isn't about fairness. This hasn't ever been about me, really. It was about her. Her loss. Her failure. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell me, she couldn't. I'd always put her so high up, she thought when she fell, I'd realize I'd wasted my time on her._

It made him ill to consider it. She'd pushed him away because she'd felt unworthy. She wanted forgiveness, not just for hiding her miscarriages, but for… _No, Kagome. I'm not forgiving you for being yourself. I've been in love with you since I first saw you walking into that lecture hall. It was like I was seeing a picture of my future… And all I could see was you. All I see now is you. You weren't on a pedestal. You're my bones and breath._

It was nearly eleven thirty as he rolled into the parking lot and headed to the terminal. If he was lucky, he wouldn't need to wait very long.

Oni couldn't speak. The doctors had to wire his jaw closed so it could heal. Remembering the look in Maru's eyes, hearing the anger in Yash's voice was enough for him not to press charges. It didn't matter what he felt concerning Kagome and Kaia, Maru had been his friend for over two decades. He'd watched Yash grow up and attempt to emulate his big, bad brother. But Maru hadn't started bad. Maru had started broken.

There's very little you can say to someone who grew up mourning a loss, especially when the other person who should have been mourning with you acted like it hadn't ever happened… Like Maru's mother hadn't ever existed. He'd been six when she'd died and seven when Yash had been born to his father's new wife. The blending of hatred, anger and sorrow in his young heart had done damage not even a little brother who worshipped him and a father who, contrary to what Maru had believed at the time, loved him very much. Oni only knew all of this because they'd lived in the same neighborhood and gone to primary school together. They had become friends in the fourth grade when the real rebellion had begun.

By the time the boys had survived into middle school, they'd become proficient at lock picking, pick pocketing, and shop lifting. Never once had they been caught, and Oni had always attributed that to Maru's ability to look so damned innocent with his magnetic looks even as a child. Maru was the brilliant one between the two of them. Even smoking, drinking, stealing, and screwing their way through high school, he managed to pull just under a 4.0 average. His photographic memory was the envy of every ace student, but it also made him very easily bored. Oni's unpredictable streak kept him in Maru's life. When the handsome badass needed entertainment, Oni ensured it was exactly what his friend needed to pass the time. It was his malicious streak Maru couldn't ever really accept. Oni knew that Maru was vindictive and mildly sadistic when it came to people who betrayed him, but his friend was far kinder and warmer than Oni could ever fractionally pretend to be. Simply put, though Maru could be an ass, Oni simply was one- unapologetically so.

And so it was a fall evening late after Maru's last class of his first day working toward his graduate degree he'd arrived at their apartment and sat heavily on the couch in front of the television. No cigarette, no shot of whiskey, just him sitting there staring at a blank screen with a half smile quizzically adorning his lips.

Oni watched him from the hall for a moment, then approached, curiosity burning in his mind. "So what's on for tonight? Video games all night, or do we want to chase some tail down at the undergraduate bar?"

Maru didn't respond at first, then smirked and shook his head. He pulled out the text for his history class and opened it to the first page. "Studying, I think."

"Oh?" Oni felt like he'd stepped into an alternate dimension. Maru never studied. He read the book once, never took notes on the lecture, and slept through half the classes without fear of failing any class he'd ever taken. "Your history professor got you worried or something? You get some crusty old bastard with a ruler ready to break on your head?"

He chuckled and shook his head before meeting Oni's gaze. "Met a girl… A kid, really. Some kind of prodigy only taking night classes while she clears her masters and goes for her doctorate. Saw her textbook stack in her bag. Little girl is taking an upper division physics class I didn't even know was on the books…"

"So what makes this smarty pants deserving of new rules? Same game, right? Get in her pants and drop her?"

"She's fourteen," Maru chuckled as Oni almost choked on his drink. "Yeah… I know she's a little young for my tastes."

"You always prefered them older," Oni sat down his drink and watched Maru thumb through the first chapter. "So… It's a long play?"

It took him a moment to respond. He hadn't ever seen his old friend so utterly out of character, and when Maru did respond, Oni felt like something below his feet… Like the very bedrock was giving out.

"I'm not playing a game, Oni… She's a kid, and she challenges me. She makes me wonder what I could do if I actually tried rather than just skated by with my talents," Maru had met Oni's gaze again, and Oni knew that nothing would be the same from that moment on. "It's not like I'm going to sit around and wait until she's legal, just stringing her on so I can get my rocks off… I doubt I'll ever see any more skin than her in a tank top and shorts at the end of next semester, but… I don't know. It's nice to be able to talk to somebody who has no other motive than purely intellectual discourse."

He'd watch him pull away slowly after that. The games he ran even took on another flavor entirely. He started inviting Yash to play, and with him Kagome, her sister, cousin and their friends. He'd seen his whole world expand from a tight friendship with exterior people to almost a small family supporting everyone through everything. He'd been there for it, but he'd never really been part of that family. He'd never assimilated into the group, he'd just hung on the sidelines. When he'd noticed Kikyo doing the same, they'd found they shared more than just a mutual dislike for Kagome and Kaia's wholesomeness and what to them seemed manufactured sincerity and warmth.

He hadn't told her what had happened between him, Maru and Yash. What good would it have done other than piss her off more? She didn't need to know just yet, not while he was healing up, and Kikyo was taking such good care of him… In every way. She'd been his since she was sixteen years old. Maru had known, but he'd kept it secret, protecting his friend from charges Kikyo's father no doubt would have pressed upon him since she'd been under age at the time. An eight year age difference was nothing to take lightly, and Maru certainly hadn't. He'd been nothing but trustworthy and gentlemanly around Kagome, Kikyo, and Kaia, so it hadn't surprised Oni when Kagome's father had so easily allowed his seventeen year old daughter to move in with Yash and Maru almost immediately after graduation. But Oni did, in fact, owe Maru for that discretion so many years before. That wasn't why he kept his mouth shut both literally and figuratively concerning his broken jaw.

Oni missed his friend, and, though he knew he'd never have the hard drinking, chain smoking Maru he'd known and thought of as a brother, he needed Maru to know that he always had his back. Always.

It was one thirty, and still no Kagome. He leaned against the cement column and contemplated the last three cigarettes hidden in the inner breast pocket of his jacket. Thinking better of it, he pulled out his phone and dialed Kagome's number. She didn't answer. The cigarettes started singing a siren's song as he scrolled down to Kaia's number.

"She hasn't shown yet," he said before Kaia could utter a word. "Could you call her mom?"

"Can you call her mom?"

He scowled and fumbled with the zipper inside the left upper panel of his jacket. "Kaia, I'm asking a favor."

There was a soft sigh and silence for a moment before she responded. It was long enough for him to pull out a cancer stick and light it. "I want chocolate. Like… Walk in the door and you hand me a little box with a red bow on the top."

"Done, just… I don't want to stand here all day," he replied, taking another slow drag from his cigarette.

"Give me a few minutes, and I'll call back."

He slowly finished off his cigarette as he watched the cars drive up and drop off loved ones, friends, and fares at the terminal. His phone said it was one forty five when Kaia finally called back. "What did she say?"

"She… She took a taxi to the airport around seven this morning," he felt like he couldn't breathe. "Her mom said she woke them and said goodbye and just left."

"Did… Did she say why she was leaving so soon?"

"No, but my aunt said that she'd looked like she had been crying. You know how much she hates going to her parent's house, Maru. No matter how much she loves her parents, it's still the place where," Kaia paused before speaking again. He could hear her swallow softly. "If she hasn't been answering her phone, there's a chance she's already on the plane, or she turned it off."

"Yeah," he pressed his eyes closed and gently knocked the back of his head against the cement column. "What do I do?"

She sat on the bed and stared at the floor. Kaia had wanted so badly for him to reach her in time, but they both had been acting erratically. She understood why, but now it all rested on Kagome and what she ultimately chose. "Come home. I'll make you pancakes."

He couldn't help but smirk as he fished out another cigarette. "Do you still want chocolate?" The last thing he wanted was to hunt down the chocolate he knew she wanted, and he certainly didn't think pancakes would make anything better, but Kaia had always been the best kind of diversion. Yash took a close second when he needed to keep his mind off the pain.

"Only if you want to spoil me."

"Still partial to dark chocolate over milk, right?"

He could hear the smile in her voice. "I'll have Yash go and buy some bacon to go with the pancakes. I'll see you in a bit."

The plane began to taxi onto the runway. She closed the window and her eyes, feeling the exhaustion of the last few days finally overtaking the deep well of anguish in her stomach. When he'd called, she'd declined the connection. She wasn't ready for the talk she knew they needed to have. More than anything, Kagome knew if she did speak to him, she'd never have the strength to make the choice she'd decided upon, and she knew she'd never forgive herself. She'd live her whole life wondering if she really had what she wanted, and she knew the answer would be no.

With her eyes closed, the white noise of the engines on the wing, she was almost able to remember what their first kiss had felt and tasted like. She'd had a reminder only the night before when he'd kissed her so deeply, and she had tasted the cigarettes and whiskey.

It had been a long gaming session on a warm summer's night. Her seventeenth birthday had only been a few weeks before, but the game that night had been his present to her. Months of historical research and planning had gone into the one night game, and it had been everything she'd been promised… Like a snapshot of feudal Japan filled with youkai and gods… Half breeds, monks and miko… He'd resurrected the campaign for her most recent visit, but she hadn't played the same character, and neither had he.

He never drank more than one shot a night, and only near the end. He never smoked around her, and after that night, his kisses had never held the same flavor. She had been on the balcony of his apartment, just looking at the stars. She turned a warm gaze onto him as he joined her.

"Did you like the game, Kagome?" His hair was down that night… A rare curtain of black to his hips.

She nodded with a small, sweet smile. "Very much. Kaia must have told you what to use as the setting…"

"No," he smiled at the surprise in her eyes. "The manga… That one you were reading when we met that you always had in your bag with your text books. You said it was your favorite…"

She blushed and looked down, her smile warming her gaze. A moment later, he had gently reached out and caressed her jaw, chastely kissing her at first as if waiting to see if she would respond. She had trembled and felt him embrace her, causing her to sigh and allow him to deepen their connection. When he'd pulled back and looked down at her, she'd been grateful he'd not let go of her waist. Her legs just weren't ready to keep her standing yet.

He never forgot anything… Nothing he read, saw or experienced. Everything was locked in perfect detail in his mind. She knew now why he'd started to drink and smoke… The two dulled his senses enough to make the world and his memory blur. For years, he'd been clean, sober and had stopped smoking cold turkey. He'd been taking a photographic still life of every moment with her, both the good and the bad. _I hope you always choose to remember the beautiful times we had together, Maru. I want you to just remember those and keep the others filed away forever… Somewhere deep in the stacks of your memory… Please remember you were happy with me once… And that I always have loved you, even before that first kiss._


	10. Chapter 10

Part Ten:

The truck wasn't any more difficult to drive than the many open bed cargo trucks she'd maneuvered through dense forests of South America, but at least when she'd traversed the roadless stretches sometimes with little more than a compass to direct her to the next dig site, there weren't pedestrians and other vehicles to contend with.

When the plane had landed, she'd caught a taxi to the moving company that had shipped her pod several thousand miles, and had then paid to have every box and scrap of furniture she'd kept into the moving truck for her short trek across town before venturing to the storage space she'd be keeping everything until she found an apartment. Kagome absolutely refused to move back in with her parents.

It had been almost four weeks. Kaia had told her by email that her maestro had called after she'd requested an extension of a week and a half and had said in the warmest and in the most gentle terms that the company was willing to release her from her contract if she promised to return for the Carnival gala for a single farewell performance. She knew Kaia was happy with the development, and had no doubt that Yash was elated at the news that they wouldn't need to be separated for any duration.

She'd been too afraid to ask about Maru in her return email. She hadn't called or contacted him at all since she had gone, but she had known she was returning. Only she knew at the time, but she had been afraid to voice what she was feeling. She'd spent so much of her adult life trying to be and do something for Maru without really ever focusing on taking care of her own heart. She knew if she'd stayed… Talked to him about what she was planning, eventually it would take on the flavor of her making the choice for him. She never wanted him to believe that she'd made the choice just because she knew he wanted her home with him. She wanted him to know and fully understand that she had chosen because it would make her happy… It was exactly what she wanted. He… He was exactly who she wanted.

The drive to the house was completely empty. She sighed and smirked as she parked the truck in front and then jumped down to the street. It was still damned cold outside, and she'd gotten so used to the swampy heat of the South American jungles. Even three weeks were enough to screw up her internal thermometer. She sat on the stoop of the front door and leaned her head back against the jam, gently turning the ruby ring on her left hand ring finger in circles as she waited for someone to come home.

Kaia had never been very good at waiting when she knew something was coming. She was almost certain her lateness and the faint nausea that was creeping into each morning's waking were signs enough that she was more than likely pregnant, but she wasn't willing to rely on a store bought test. Now she was sitting on a doctor's table awaiting the results of their test in a paper gown so she could be examined one way or the other.

She gently rested a hand over her abdomen and tried valiantly not to cry. She hadn't said a word to Yash, but she knew he could count just as easily as she could. They hadn't needed to stall in their rather voracious appetites for each other for very nearly two months due to her monthly cycle. Sooner or later it would become apparent to them… If she was… _If… There is no if in this equation._

She ached for Kagome to be there… To be a part of the life that was being rebuilt. Kaia wanted her family back and whole, not broken the way Maru had seemed every day waiting for some word back… Some hint whether she would ever return. Her email had been so vague, Kaia really couldn't answer the question Maru was always silently asking her… But then he knew she wanted Kagome home almost as much as he did.

Yash had dropped her off at her doctor's appointment before going to work. He'd kissed her so gently and made her promise not to tell him until he made it home that night. He wanted to have her in his arms when he was told he'd be a father. She smiled at the memory, the crooked smile on his face when he'd said the word "father" and then kissed her again with that same tenderness.

She almost jumped when the doctor knocked. "Come in…"

The doctor was a plump middle aged woman with curling red hair just at her shoulder. "Well, now… We have so many thing so talk about…"

Kaia blinked and trembled. "What do you mean?"

"Well," she had Kaia lay back, gently pulling up her paper gown as she began her exam. "According to what you shared, your due date should be some time in October, so we need to schedule you for regular check ups. There's also the question of what kind of birth you would like…"

A soft sob escaped her, her doctor's playful smile falling away. "Oh, dear! You seemed to be so excited at the prospect…"

"I am," Kaia glowed as more tears fell back into her hair. The doctor smiled and nodded knowingly and continued with her examination. She'd been through so much… Nearly lost everything she'd ever really wanted, and now… Like magic, she had more than she'd dreamed.

He closed the dusty tome and sighed, leaning back in his chair. His computer glowed in the half light of the university library's basement reading section. For four weeks, he'd kept himself occupied secretly with his doctoral thesis. No one really knew how close he'd come when he'd stopped. He had maybe a month of work, and he could submit it, defend it, and be finished.

Kagome's silence had given him perspective. She'd not answered his emails or calls. She'd distanced herself for reasons he knew but hated and didn't really fully understand. Not even Kaia could get her to say anything about the situation. It was like she was deliberately avoiding talking about anything concerning him, and it both hurt and provided him with the distance he needed to take care of his own concerns.

It had been hard going through the year hanging off emails and text messages, waiting and yearning for one month with a woman he could feel gradually pulling away from him. He'd taken nothing seriously… Except the way he intended to bring her back to him… And he'd failed. She was gone, and he was left with the revenants of an almost life and career. He'd become more determined than ever to salvage what hadn't fallen into dust. Now… He was finished except for one last step in his defense of his writing.

He saved his work and closed his laptop, returning the books he'd been using to their stacks before packing up and exiting through the stairwell rather than waiting for the elevator. He was sick of waiting… So sick of it, even the thought of a wasted few moments watching an elevator descend seemed like a sin against his very existence.

Once in the parking lot, he settled himself onto his bike once he'd fastened down his satchel and put on his helmet. Closing the visor, he turned the key and revved the engine a few times until it was purring, then made his way home for a quick nap before game time.

As he rounded the corner onto his street, he noticed the large moving truck parked just out in front and scowled. _What the hell? Can't you find some place better to park? Maybe outside the house you're going to?_ Turning into the drive, he didn't notice her sitting on the stoop half lost in meditation as she waited for him.

Her eyes fluttered as she heard him ride up the drive and into the back, curious that he hadn't stopped. Kagome stood and walked to the driveway and then followed to the spot he usually parked next to the back door. His back was to her, so she paused at the back corner of the house and watched him as he dismounted his bike and removed his helmet, entirely oblivious to her presence for the moment.

His tall, muscular build spoke for his good genes and I general love for using his hands, building beautiful cars and motorcycles with his father, and years of kendo practice and tournaments in his younger years. He had a natural grace and an easy sense of humor and fun she had always admired. Handsome as he had always been, what really had drawn her to him had been his mind as his ready desire to laugh at the world.

"You know, sitting out in the cold so long…" She smiled softly as he tensed and turned his gaze onto her as if unsure she was really there. "I might have caught a cold. Would you mind letting me in for a bit? If only to warm up."

He blinked and stared at her for a moment, seemingly dumbfounded at her sudden appearance. "Kagome… You were in South America…"

"Until early this morning, yes," she stepped forward, joining him at the back door. "Now I'm here."

"Kaia…"

"Kaia didn't know," Kagome shook her head and chuckled at his surprise. "I'll explain, but can we please go inside? I've been waiting an hour, and my toes are numb."

Maru nodded and unlocked the door, opening it for her. He watched her as she entered, shivering slightly as she hugged herself in her coat tightly. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Some of Yash and Kaia's batch if there's any left…"

He moved to the cabinet after putting his computer bag on the counter and poured her a steaming cup. "Yash won't be home until late this evening, but Kaia should be back from her doctor's appointment in an hour or two."

She took the mug as he offered it to her, grasping the body of the mug so the heat of the dark, rich liquid could warm her fingertips. She sipped it slowly, feeling her shivering cease as her body was doused internally with warmth. "That's alright… I planned to see them both soon enough, but I was hoping to see you first. And here you are."

Kagome watched Maru as he seemed to study every part of her with a quizzical look, as if entirely focused on framing this picture of her in his mind forever. "I thought we'd said everything…"

"We hadn't," she said softly, then turned to sit at the table. She looked utterly exhausted, but there was a light in her eyes that he'd seen dim over the years… Now it seemed like her gaze was lit by inferno from within. "I don't think I could find an end to what I might say to you, Maru. I think I knew the moment I first saw you that I'd never have enough words to say between us."

His eyes finally found her hands as she slipped them from the mug. She gently ran her fingers through her hair and he saw the flash and glimmer of the ruby ring on her left hand as it caught the light. He met her gaze, finally seeing her since she'd walked up behind him. "Why did you come back?"

"Because…" She felt her eyes well with tears, and she smiled, letting out a little laugh strangled with a sob. "Because this is home, Maru. You are- have always been my home since the moment I saw you."

He watched her, aching to brush the tears that fell and marred her perfect cheeks, but he couldn't move. He could barely find words to speak. "I thought you were finished with me."

"No," she replied in a sharp whisper. "Not ever… But I couldn't say the words. I knew if I paused even for a minute to explain myself, I'd never be strong enough to take the chance… When I left that night and drove away, I wasn't running away from you, I was running to you… Just the long way."

Maru recalled Kaia the night she'd been standing at their door, those impossible green eyes staring up at him like she was looking into a world she couldn't touch… Like a child turning a snow globe and staring at a world in longing. She'd said she had come without warning anyone because, had she, she might have lost her courage and never left Italy. As he gazed into Kagome's eyes, little more than an arm's reach away, he saw that same shimmering in her deep azure pools… That soft, desperate request to be let in even if it shattered everything to pieces. "Why are you still wearing the ring?"

"I couldn't take it off," he saw fear flooding her features as she gently pressed her right hand over her left. "Not for a moment… And I don't want to. Please… Please, Maru," she stood and stepped forward, resting her brow against his breastbone, her hands gently clutching at his jacket. "Please don't ask me to do that."

He gently rested his hands on her shoulders, holding her steady when she trembled. "I don't think I'll survive watching you leave me again. I can't play this game anymore unless it's for keeps…"

Kagome laughed sadly, finally looking up at him. She could smell his clean, soft scent that was everything male and strength, entirely devoid of the cigarettes he'd begun smoking before she'd departed. All she wanted was to breathe him in and be in his arms. "Maybe that's our problem, Babe… I've never been playing a game. I never knew there were rolls to be made or rules for actions made during a turn. I just kept making up my own set of rules as I went along, and I hadn't even considered for a minute how unfair that was when you were trying so desperately to just win…"

His hold on her shoulders tightened as he listened, seeing the surety in her gaze and how easily she seemed to accept everything he said. "So you have come back?"

She nodded, feeling another tear fall. "I needed the time to put things in order here and there. I went back and packed everything I owned and shipped it here. It's outside in that truck ready to be put into storage until I find a place."

"Why do you need a place?"

"I can't very well sleep on the streets."

"I wasn't suggesting you should," he scowled, seeing the mischief in her eyes. "You're playing with me."

Kagome let out a small sound of protest as he released her and stepped back. "Maru, I'm not, I just… I didn't come here expecting anything; I know I owe you so much more than I could ever amend in a few hours. I don't expect you to forgive me… I don't expect anything, I just hoped… I hoped you'd be happy to see me." She noted the soft quirk of his brow as he processed the words, not stepping away as she rested her hands on his chest again, and smiled as she felt his rest softly on her hips. "I love you. I'm so sorry for what I put you through- all of it."

"Stop," he breathed sharply and saw the sudden pain in her gaze. He gripped her hips and leaned to kiss her. "Just stop."

She wrapped her arms gently around his neck, jumping softly as he began to lift her, and wrapped her legs tightly around his hips. He deepened the kiss, clutching her rear and lower back, pulling her tightly against him as he broke the kiss and looked questioningly down into her eyes. Kagome reached up and caressed his jaw, smiling in wonder at the soft look he returned. "I want to stay."

Maru nodded and held her tighter, carrying her toward the stairs. He smiled as she rested her head against his chest below his chin as they ascended to his bedroom, his arms protectively cradling her as he might a treasure. Not bothering to close his door, he lay her down onto the bed and began undressing her as she did him. Wordlessly, they caressed and worshiped every inch of each other, falling into a dance of promise and devotion both had thought lost to them until that moment. They'd put such distance between themselves, neither had thought the gulf surmountable without one of them losing something precious… Now they both knew better. All they'd lost was pain, and they'd found themselves left with hope.

His first day as an editor for his uncle's publishing company had been exactly as he'd hoped. He'd worked for years, slowly making his way to the position, and he was proud of his accomplishments. His uncle was set to retire in ten years, and was glad to know his position as head editor and CEO would go to Yash who had put so much effort into being worthy. Now Yash could sit in his chair at his own desk in his own office with a fair view of the city streets a few floors below and work to his heart's content at a job he'd always felt born for.

His mind drifted, though, to Kaia. He hadn't mentioned to her that, in addition to being entirely able to count and having noticed she was multiple weeks late, she was slowly filling out in areas. He liked his life, so he hadn't uttered a word, but there was a part of him that delighted in feeling her curves soften against his body when they slept entangled. He'd ached to be there when she'd heard the news, but she wouldn't allow him to be late for his first day at work. It didn't matter how much he'd attempted to lull her into believing his uncle wouldn't care- he might have for a whole five minutes until he heard the reason, but Kaia had been correct. There really wasn't a good reason to risk what he'd worked for years to grasp.

Yash put down the red pencil at the sound of a knock at his door. "Come," he called out, and smiled when he saw Kaia enter with two large paper cups from their favorite shop and two bags clearly meant for a late lunch. He stood and helped her, kissing her deeply as she closed the door. "What is what?"

"I can't remember.."

He smirked, then sipped one of the cups without removing the lid. He'd expected either twelve shots of espresso without any flavoring, of the same with cinnamon and ginger- something she'd been adding for a few days to her coffee every morning that confounded him beyond words. They both had been purists for years, so the shift in taste made little sense to him, but he again said nothing. If what he believed was true, there would probably be far greater oddities in palate shifts to come.

What his tongue was greeted with tasted like he'd just taken a mouth full of dead leaves. "Oh shit… What is that?"

"Tea. It's herbal made with rose hips, lemon zest, and lemon grass," she smirked at the horrified look she gave him. "I'd rather be drinking coffee, too, but… That will need to wait for a little while."

He grinned and scooped her up, kissing her passionately as she giggled and clung to him. "Mmm, god, I love you… Both of you," he breathed before capturing her lips once more, reveling in how tightly she clung to him. He could have never dreamed she would be back in his arms. He'd ached to imagine her so surely pressed and melded against his body, the only things between them their garments and the little life growing inside her, but it had seemed so far flung it hurt to picture… And now he had all of it in what seemed a breath of time between the moment she'd returned and the one he was currently living in such perfect bliss.

"Should we elope this weekend?"

"I think I want to wait to get our license rather than taking a day trip for some cheesy wedding at some gaudy chapel out in the desert," he sat with her in his lap, opening the bags so they could eat their sandwiches. "I was thinking maybe we could wait for spring and marry out back. You know Roku always wanted to use his standing of cleric to the Flying Spaghetti Monster at a wedding… Ouch! What? Don't you want to have pasta as the main course at dinner?"

She laughed and pinched his ear again, kissing him tenderly. "Mmmm, I don't care how we are married, I just want it to be soon, Love… I've been aching for this life with you longer than I want to remember."

"Do you think you can wait long enough to convince Kagome to come and be a witness?"

Kaia sighed and caressed his jaw gently. "We can try, but… Yash, I don't know. She may never want to come back again."

"She loves him," Yash said softly and took Kaia's hand, kissing her ring. "Raine, she loves my brother the way you and I love each other… That insistent, trembling, fearless love, and I know Maru will always feel the same way. I keep thinking that if we could just get them back into a room together, everything would turn out ok."

"I know, Yash, and I want it, too. But right now there's not much we can do but invite her to the wedding and hope."

"Maybe that's enough, Raine," he smiled at her wistful expression. "Maybe they just need an excuse."

The light from his western facing window was dying when they finally found their rest in each other's arms. It had painted her skin in amber hues as she'd slowly moved atop him, held gently as he sat with her in his lap, kissing her throat and jaw softly as he trembled in bliss. He'd been afraid at first- afraid of history repeating itself until she'd assured him she was on a contraceptive shot she'd be taking every three months to ensure she could not become pregnant. When they decided they wanted children, she'd stop the shot long enough to harvest viable eggs to be fertilized for Kaia to carry to term. Going to the doctor for the prescription had been one of her tasks while she'd been away.

Between long cycles of lovemaking through the late morning and afternoon, she'd told him she was employed at the university. She'd completed her thesis, and she would begin in the fall term once she had successfully defended her work. His pride in her had welled up and he'd seen the same in her when he shared the same news about his doctoral thesis.

"I don't have a job at the university, though," he chuckles and she kissed him tenderly with a sigh. "But I never wanted that."

"No, the goal was always to travel, research and write," she glowed and met his gaze. "Now we can country hop every summer and you can write while I teach."

"Maybe work down at the kendo school in the afternoons or work with my dad at his customization shop," he smiled, his eyes dancing with a kind of joy and fulfillment he'd never expected to know even that morning. "Or maybe spend some of that time raising our kids and being a good uncle."

"Be a house husband and make us dinner every night?"

He chuckled and kissed her deeply. "There's nothing I want more."

As the last ember of light faded on the horizon, she slept curled atop him, his arms holding her protectively, both barely covered in their exhaustion. He closed his eyes and memorized the feeling of her body so peaceful in his arms as if he expected her to vanish when he woke. For a few moments when she'd first arrived, he'd felt it a valid fear. Now he knew he'd wake every morning the rest of his life to find her there, but this evening was important. It was the evening when their life began again, and he wanted to remember everything.

She'd chosen to spend the rest of the afternoon with Yash curled up on the small couch in the corner of his office reading the materials her doctor had provided at her appointment. He'd been somewhat distracted, and that was certainly and understatement as he watched her every few moments pouring over pamphlets, one hand tangled in her long ebony tresses. There were a few times he'd caught himself attempting to assess if he locked the door and just started making love to her there on the couch if they'd be able to stop once they got started and the risk level of his uncle catching them in the act.

Thankfully, his logic won out and he was able to deem the chance too risky and promised himself they'd make theirs an early bed time after going home and having a celebratory dinner with Maru.

He held her hand as he turned onto their street, scowling at the giant moving truck out front. "Who the hell just parks one of those somewhere in the middle of the night?"

Kaia raised a brow and smirked. "Someone who just wanted to taste your ire, Love."

Yash chuckled and leaned to kiss her deeply when he parked the car. "A likely assumption." As they exited the car, he reached in the back and pulled out two bags full of boxes of Chinese food. He'd promised his brother he'd take care of dinner after work. Maru had been getting better in the last week or so. He actually was eating again, and had tossed out the last of his cigarettes when Kaia told him she'd made an appointment with her doctor.

He had this rather amused look on his face, and he'd kissed her cheek and winked at Yash. "Last thing I want is my niece or nephew to think smoking is cool because Uncle Maru does it."

As Yash began setting up the kitchen table with plates and food, she kissed his cheek and began her way up the stairs. Maru had been killing himself over his thesis and hadn't been sleeping nearly enough. When he came home from the library in the evenings, he often slept several hours, then woke for dinner before returning to his writing. It had become Kaia's job to wake him up after Maru had nearly taken a swing at Yash. To be fair, Yash had grabbed his ankle and attempted to pull him face first out of the bed.

The door was open, which wasn't too surprising considering how exhausted Maru was when he got home. There were some evenings she'd found him still in combat boots and his leather jacket curled up on top of the covers. She wasn't exactly prepared for what she saw when she looked into his room, but shock was soon overwhelmed with utter relief and joy.

They were curled together, Kagome curled on her side with Maru wrapped entirely around her from behind, his arms clutching her tightly to his body, and his face buried in her hair. Her face was so peaceful and youthful, as if she were still the seventeen year old reveling and basking in the brightness he brought to her world. She stirred slightly, her eyes fluttering open and meeting Kaia's with a kind of contentment and joy her cousin had feared lost. Kagome smiled and closed her eyes again as Kaia closed the door on the lovers.

"What's up? Maru being an ass?" Yash asked as Kaia returned alone, then frowned when he saw her beginning to cry. "Shit, what is it?"

She slipped into his arms and hugged him tightly. "Nothing awful… Only good things," she breathed and felt his embrace tighten.

"What is it, Raine?"

"Kagome," she began, smiling when Yash pulled back and held her by the shoulders. "Kagome is here and with Maru. I think I saw more of your brother than I ever wanted to in the whole of my life, but…" She laughed and all but jumped into Yash's embrace.

He chuckled and kissed her tenderly. He knew she'd wanted to come home, and, in Kaia's mind, home meant him as well as Maru and Kagome. She'd been heartbroken when Kagome had gone, and he knew she'd been trying to erect a new definition in her mind for happiness without the four of them being together. Now, she wouldn't need to. "Do you think they're hungry?"

She laughed and kissed him, then gazed into his eyes with utter joy filling her gaze. "No, I want to eat. And I want to leave them alone together the way they let us alone when we'd come back together. I don't mind so much, really… This evening should be about us, anyway. The three of us."

Yash hugged her tightly to him and smiled. For a moment, he couldn't believe how lucky they'd all been to have found each other, to have been given the chance to right all the pain of the years before, but then he realized how wrong he was. Luck had nothing to do with it.

"You're fucking kidding me!"

"Oni, volume!"

"Fine! You're fudging kidding me! She's cheating. Again," he'd managed to soften his decibels a few levels for the sake of the slumbering eighteen month old napping just upstairs.

"I'm not cheating, you just don't want to lose," Kaia retorted. "I'm even using the system of rolls you established to determine the strength of attacks," she sighed and relaxed easily as Yash leaned and massaged her shoulders. "Don't get pissed at me because the dice aren't rolling your way."

Maru smirked at Oni's lip as it twitched and threatened to curl into a smile. It had taken months before Maru felt ready to even answer Oni's texts of apology. It had only been when two bouquets of roses for Kagome and Kaia had arrived that Maru knew Oni was actually trying. When he'd broken up with Kikyo, Maru knew that Oni was serious. He wanted to be worthy of the friendship they'd built on bad habits and stupid choices, because he knew that Maru was the best friend he'd ever be lucky enough to have. He was tired of Kikyo's vendetta against her sister and cousin. He'd realized it was petty and childish and had gotten sick of it when she'd suggested a spiteful anonymous prank to be played on Kagome when she'd returned to Maru involving a headless baby doll. Kagome didn't know, but Maru did because Oni had called him to intercept the package that had been sent. Oni had begged his friend not to open the box, just throw it away or burn it or whatever, and Maru had promised he would. But he'd been curious what Oni was so desperate for Maru and Kagome not to know about the prank Kikyo had sent. It was the only time he considered the possibility of beating a woman to death.

He'd gone and confronted Kikyo about the doll, pushing it into her hands. She'd laughed and thrown it on the floor of her apartment near the garbage, claiming it hadn't been meant for him, just for Kagome. It had taken all his fortitude not to do what his muscles and mind wanted. He'd walked away, then parked his bike outside a liquor store and just stared at the shelves of cigarettes and alcohol before he managed to walk out empty handed.

After his niece was born, he'd talked to Kaia, Yash, and Kagome about Oni. After the first gaming night he'd been invited to as a test run, it was decided he could return regularly under the rule that he keep his voice down and his speech clean when little Kes was present. To their surprise, as Kes grew, Oni became one of her favorite people, and he spoiled her enough that he was given the honor of the name Uncle by Kaia. What had surprised him, really, was the friendship that had developed between Oni, Kaia and Kagome. The once proud and consummate asshole had softened considerably, and even more when Kaia had been impregnated with Maru and Kagome's child.

She now sat on a cushion before Yash across from Oni, her belly just starting to grow at four months. At the first ultrasound, the doctor confirmed there would be two, and the group had rejoiced together at the news.

Kikyo had gone on her own way. Kagome and Kaia mourned that she refused to even try to mend what was broken between them, but they both knew Kikyo had more growing up to do on her own. She needed space, and maybe someday she would realize they'd never been against her at all. All they could do was hope for that day.

"So this is how it ends? My all powerful Naraku defeated? The miko and the hanyou live happily ever after just so they can tease Sesshomaru from the sideline? The wolves get hitched and the monk gets the demon slayer and they have twenty kids?" Oni smirked at Roku's laugh where he sat with San on his lap. "Damn. Can't catch a break."

Maru smiled and winked at Kaia, pulling Kagome into his lap and kissing her as she snuggled against him. "Maybe, but not all campaigns end as well as real life. We can't be so lucky in both worlds."


End file.
